Thankful hearts, broken dreams
by BloodyMiry
Summary: Buffy prepares for a perfect Thanksgiving with Spike. But of course, it’s the Hellmouth- nothing goes as planned.B/S fluff and angst.*Complete, finally*
1. Default Chapter

Summary: Buffy prepares for a perfect Thanksgiving with Spike. But of course, it's the Hellmouth- nothing goes as planned. B/S fluff and angst.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing; all the characters belong to Joss & co. I wish Spike were mine, but then again, who doesn't? LOL Please don't sue me, I have nothing to give you.  
  
Timeline: set one year after Buffy's "return", just before thanksgiving. Assumes that everything so far from season 6 has happened, but after that, anything goes (spoilers through "wrecked")  
  
Prologue: Reflections  
  
They'd been together for a while. After their fight, which now had taken place almost a year ago, Spike was sure that she'd kill him. The morning after, as they hurled insults at one another, each trying to come up with the most hurtful thing they could say to the other, Spike just knew that he would never again have the chance to wake up next to her ever again. He was certain that once she had really taken the time to think about it, and to process some of the things he'd said that she would show up at his crypt and stake him for sure. He just couldn't understand why she couldn't admit that she felt it too. He wasn't demanding that she tell him she loved him (not yet anyway), he just wished that she would admit that she felt something when she was with him, and that it wasn't wrong. He didn't see much of her in the days following the fight. He usually waited until just after sundown and went by either the house or the magic shop, making sure that Buffy was not there, to check on Dawn. After her accident with Willow he had to make sure that his Lil Bit was recovering properly. But he made it a point to stay away from Buffy. Then, all of a sudden, one night in mid-December, the door to his crypt flew open, and in walked Buffy. He wasn't surprised; he had sensed that she was near. So he calmly turned to face her, sure that she was about to come flying at him, stake in hand. Well, he was half right. She came flying at him, but he couldn't see if she even had a stake on her. What in bloody hell is she thinking walking at night, unarmed, through the cemetery?? Spike thought as he watched the flash of her coming toward him. Before he even had time to think about fussing at her for coming 'round with no weapons, that she'd get herself killed, blah, blah, blah, he felt her crash into him, wrapping her arms around his cool body and drawing him into one of the most passionate kisses of his existence. When she finally came up for air, he quipped, "Bloody hell, Slayer, is it that important to you that I die happy? Go ahead, stake me now, I know that's why you're here, what else could you possibly want from me?"  
  
Buffy lowered her eyes, and he noticed a single tear rolling down her beautiful cheek. He resisted the urge to go to her, to take her in his arms and wipe her tears away. She turned away from him, and slowly slid to the floor, as her tears began to be a constant stream down her face. Spike was bewildered. As she fell into slow, violent, sobs and curled up on his floor, he wondered what brought about this rather odd show of emotions from the Slayer. Since her return, he had tried to make things as normal as possible for her, but he was slowly realizing that completely "normal" may not be what she needed right now. He choked back the urge to come out with some smart ass, big bad comment, and instead walked over to where she was lying on his floor. He had never seen her like this; she was crying so hard she could barely breathe. He slowly raised her tiny body up off the floor, and cradled her to him, hoping that he could ease just a little of her pain, and thinking that she would talk to him when she was ready.  
  
As he held her there, in a whisper that Spike could barely hear even with his vampire hearing, Buffy said "Why don't you love me anymore?"  
  
Spike's mouth fell open, as he tried to process where that question had come from. He slowly sat her up, and turned her to face him. When she wouldn't look at him, he gently crooked a finger under her chin to raise her gaze up to his. "Luv, where in the world did you get an idea like that?" Although he knew the answer before the words had finished rolling off his tongue. He then realized his mistake in not sticking around and fighting for her love after that morning in the abandoned house. Even though he knew the answer, he waited for her response.  
  
"How can you ask me that Spike?" came Buffy's weary reply. "I admit that I totally did not believe you when you said you loved me before I died. But then when I came back, and saw how you had worked to keep your promise to me, I started to let myself believe that it might be true. But then, after we." her voice trailed off as she started to cry again. He waited for her to start speaking again, and when she did he was horrified by her words. "I was really starting to think you were different Spike. I thought you would be the one to stick around in the morning, the one who wouldn't leave, the one who would fight for everything he felt. But instead you just proved that you're no better than Angel or Riley. Or even Parker for that matter."  
  
Her words stung as he heard them, breaking his unbeating heart with every syllable. "Well, pet, I wasn't the only one hurling insults and running out that morning, you did your fair share too". Old habits die hard, Spike resigned as the verbal jab slipped out before he realized it. In an effort to correct his words, he explained, "I was afraid that I was making things too complicated for you. And, judging by your reaction that morning in the abandoned house, I just figured that you didn't want anything to do with me, so I left you alone. Buffy the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, but I thought you could use some space to figure out what you wanted. I was not avoiding you to try and hurt you."  
  
"So then why the harsh words when I got here tonight. I just was hoping that you would be at least a little happy to see me, instead of assuming that I was here to kill you" Buffy said, the hurt still apparent in her voice.  
  
Spike got up from his seat on the floor next to Buffy and started pacing around. Even if she doesn't stake me, this girl will be the death of me, he thought to himself. He finally turned around to her and said "You never did tell me why you were here, Slayer". He hadn't noticed that as he'd been pacing around the crypt, Buffy had also gotten up and was crossing to him, once he stopped his pacing about.  
  
"I though that kiss I planted on you would have been self- explanatory"  
  
For the third time that night, Spike was amazed. Buffy could see that he might need more convincing. She crossed to him, and smirked to herself when she noticed the "deer-in-headlights" look on Spikes face. She stopped when she was inches away from him, and reached up to kiss him again. Before he had the chance to say anything to totally ruin the moment, Buffy started speaking. "Spike, these last few weeks without you around have been torture for me. I realize that I want to be with you. I'm not saying that I love you, that's just way too confusing for me to even think about right now, but I do know that not having you in my life is only adding to the hell I feel everyday. But I do know that I have feelings for you, and I was hoping that you would be willing to give me the time to sort out my emotions, but not by myself. I need to be with you Spike".  
  
Her last sentence echoed through his brain like chimes from a bell tower. Was this a dream? A cruel dream that was about to be snatched away from him, just when he'd heard the words he'd wanted to hear for so long? As if she was reading his mind, Buffy said, as she let her hands begin to explore the muscles of his chest and back, "Spike, you're not dreaming. Please, I need to be with you"  
  
With those words, Spike drew Buffy closer to him, and kissed her. Tenderly at first, then deepening as the passion rose between them. Spike scooped her up in his arms and carried her over to his bed, placing her gently down. A small whimper escaped her lips when he broke their kiss to place her on the bed, but then he started kissing her again, holding her close. He pulled back for only a moment, to look in her eyes and ask "Buffy, are you sure this is what you want?" Her reply came as a breathless statement "Yes, Spike. please. I want you".  
  
At that moment they both knew there was no turning back.  
  
Spike could hardly believe that had been almost a year ago. Thanksgiving was drawing close, and he had to chuckle to himself when he thought about how excited Buffy was about the holiday. She was making such a big deal about it; planning a huge dinner for the gang, trying to make sure that everything was perfect. Giles was coming back for her Thanksgiving celebration, and she hoped he would stay with them at least until the New Year. She had even told everyone to come prepared to share what they were thankful for, although none of the scooby's were really keen on making some elaborate mushy speech about being thankful for each other, and most of them were quite afraid of what random things Anya might come up with to blabber on about. But Buffy couldn't wait. She had plans for this thanksgiving, an ulterior motive for her little "say what you're thankful for" time. She was going to tell everyone exactly what she was most thankful for, and she was finally going to tell Spike that she loved him.  
  
Chapter 1: Company's coming  
  
Buffy was frantically dashing around the kitchen, making her shopping list, even though the holiday was still a few days away. Buffy was determined to do her shopping that night, so she wouldn't be so rushed to get everything together for her gathering. She was so excited about Thanksgiving, about the thought of having her closest friends, her family, with her. She wanted everything to be perfect, because she was hoping this would be a Thanksgiving she would never forget. Spike heard her scurrying around, and wondered what she was doing. She scanned over her shopping list, and laid it on the counter with one of her "drafts" of her speech she intended to make on Thanksgiving. The phone rang just as Spike sauntered into the kitchen. "Will you answer that for me, Spike? I'm just finishing up something here" Buffy said as she wrote down the last couple of items on her list. She could feel the change in Spike's mood as soon as he picked up the phone and said hello. As soon as he started talking, she understood why.  
  
"Peaches, what the bloody hell do you want?.. Well that's just none of you business, now is it, mate? Yeah, Whatever. Ok, just a minute"  
  
Great, Buffy thought. What in the bloody hell does he want? This had better be good. She took the phone from Spike as he shoved it her way, and said "Angel?"  
  
Spike listened to her broken, mysterious one-sided conversation. He wished that he knew exactly what Angel was telling her, what crisis he'd come up with to hurt her feelings this time. He tried not to worry about it, though, knowing that Buffy would tell him all about it when she got off the phone. Just then, he heard Buffy say quietly into the phone "well, if you think that's best, then get here when you can, and we'll tell them together. ok, be safe, bye". Now Spike's interest was really peaked. Why in the world was Angel coming to Sunnydale? His attention then drifted to the list and the other piece of paper Buffy had been writing on when he'd come into the room. Just as he was about to pick it up and read it, Buffy snatched the papers up off the counter and stuffed them in her pocket. She leaned over and gave Spike a quick kiss and tried to convince him to come shopping with her. Even though he hated shopping, he agreed to go, hoping to get some information about why his grandsire was gracing them with a visit.  
  
Once inside the market, Spike decided to approach the topic. "So, pet. what was it that you so desperately didn't want me to see on that paper I was about to read in the kitchen?" He watched as her face flushed and she looked at him like a child whose hand had been caught in the cookie jar. "Nothing." She replied, "just my shopping list", which she then produced from her jacket pocket. Spike made a mental note that this little shopping list was not the only paper she'd stuffed into that pocket, but decided to let it go and move on to the subject of Angel. Trying to make his voice sound as calm as he could be, and stifle the anger that just the thought if his name conjured up, he said "Well, then, maybe you'd like to share what the poof called in regard to". Buffy's head snapped up, and Spike was afraid of what she might say in response to that question. "Oh, nothing really important. Just called to say that he was going to be coming through here on his way to investigate some new big bad near Mexico, and that if we didn't mind.he might stop by" she rushed the words out in one breath. She could feel the tension and could tell that the anger was boiling up inside Spike. She decided to continue "Spike, he's only going to be here for a few hours, probably on Thanksgiving day. Will you please, for me, try to be nice? He was a big part of my life you know, and he's bound to pop back up from time to time." She noticed a look of suspicion on his face, but dismissed it as some pent up emotion against Angel. Buffy didn't realize that he had overheard the end of the phone call and what she'd said to Angel. Spike decided just to drop it, and to find out what the real reason for his sudden visit was later. He smiled at her and said "If that's what you want, pet, then I'll try. I would do anything for you if it would make you happy".  
  
Over the next couple of days, though, Spike found that his thoughts were infested with wonderment over the real reason that Angel was coming to town. And it didn't help any that Buffy continued to act so secretive. He would catch her sometimes, writing in a little book, but whenever she realized that he was there she would quickly put it away and try to act like nothing was up. He didn't like the feeling of not trusting her, but then again she wasn't really helping the situation any. The night before Thanksgiving, he found out the reasoning behind her sneakiness. Spike and Buffy were about to go out on one of their late night, post-patrol walks, and as she was coming down the stairs, Buffy called down to Spike and asked him to get her coat for her. When he picked up the coat, the mysterious little piece of paper from earlier that week fell at his feet. Before Buffy got there, Spike swooped it up and put it in his own pocket, deciding to read it later and try to figure out just what was going on. Later that evening, when Buffy was asleep, Spike slipped out of her bed and went to the bathroom to read the note he'd found. It was her Thanksgiving speech, about what she was most thankful for. It started out as your basic stuff, being thankful for friends and family, for the closeness they all shared, etc. But the second part almost sent Spike out to meet the sunrise. Tears formed in his eyes as he read the words, so delicately penned in Buffy's handwriting.  
  
This year, however, I have the most wonderful thing in the world to be thankful for. I am thankful for the blessing of true love, the kind of love that you find only once in a lifetime. And I feel so blessed that the man I love with my whole heart, and my whole being is finally here with us today. He has professed his love to me for years, and now I know that nothing can keep us apart. I'm so thankful for him, and I just wanted to say to him "I love you."  
  
So this is why he was coming to Sunnydale on Thanksgiving. This is what they were going to "tell everyone together". As he sat there and felt sobs rising in his chest, he let Buffy's note fall from his hands to the cold tile of the bathroom floor. Spike couldn't stand to be in that house one more moment. He quickly went downstairs, grabbed his duster, and prepared to leave. Just as he was about to walk out the back door, Dawn appeared in the hallway, and called out to him: "Where you going so early, Spike? Trying to be first in line for fresh muffins at the bakery?" He did not turn to face her, but hissed over his shoulder "I have to leave for a while. Tell the Slayer I'll try to be back later." Dawn wondered what brought about his harsh tone, but she didn't have time to ask him; he was gone in a flash.  
  
Buffy woke up to the very odd feeling of being alone in her bed. She'd not woken up alone a single night since she'd gone to Spike to tell him that she needed him in her life. She still felt groggy from sleep, and called out his name as she was waking up. "Spike.Spike.where are you?" When he didn't answer, she decided to get up and see if he was in the bathroom or the kitchen. The bathroom door was open, and when she glanced in she saw a single sheet of paper lying on the tile floor. When she picked it up and saw what it was, she mused aloud to herself "Hmph.. I wondered where this was. I must've dropped it in here last night. I sure hope Spike didn't see it, or everything will be ruined." Buffy made her way down to the kitchen, and found Dawn sitting at the table, munching on some Count Chocula and humming along to the radio she'd turned on. Dawn looked up and asked Buffy "Did you and Spike have a fight?"  
  
"No. What makes you think that?"  
  
"Well, I just thought you might have by the way he stormed out of here this morning. Definitely not a morning person, that vamp." Dawn chuckled to herself, noting the irony of the joke she'd made.  
  
"What do you mean 'the way he stormed out of here' Dawn, what did he say?" Buffy demanded.  
  
Suddenly Dawn realized that maybe Buffy really didn't know that he was gone, and she hated having to tell her sister what had happened. "Well, I woke up and came down for some water, and Spike was going out the back door. I asked him where he was going so early, and made some joke about him going out to bring us breakfast, but he just snapped back at me that he had to get out of here, and to tell you that he'd try to be back later."  
  
Buffy then told Dawn that he probably left because Angel was coming. Dawn was shocked at that news, and wondered why Buffy hadn't told any of them that Angel was coming to town. All she would say even then was that Angel had some news for everyone and that he thought it was best to tell them in person. Dawn knew how much Spike hated Angel, and the Summers sisters decided that that was probably why Spike had left in such a hurry, he just didn't want to be there when Angel showed up.  
  
TBC. 


	2. And baby makes…nine?

Disclaimer: I don't own them, Joss does. you know the drill  
  
Feedback: I'd love know what you think of it, but please be gentle if you hate it. It's my first attempt at a Buffy story. And thanks to those of you who reviewed my first chapter. it really inspired me to keep going with this!  
  
Chapter 2: And baby makes.nine?  
  
Buffy mindlessly moved about the kitchen, putting the final touches on her Thanksgiving meal. Suddenly her perfect dinner and plans to declare her love to the man she loved didn't seem as bright as they had just 24 hours before. She really thought that she'd planned everything so that there would be no problems, then Angel had to call and screw it all up. And it made it so much worse that she knew what his big news for everyone was: he was coming to tell everyone about the baby, about his and Darla's baby. He was worried that some evil forces were coming after the baby, and that he should give them a heads up, since the baddies were likely to come to the Hellmouth if they couldn't find the baby in LA (which Angel was determined to prevent). She totally understood why he was coming to tell them; he had told her that he didn't want to break this kind of news to her friends over the phone, and he thought that they might take the news better if she were there to sort of smooth things over with everyone. He'd said that he hated telling her over the phone, but secretly she was glad that he had, so that he wasn't there to see the hurt in her eyes when she heard the words. Her heart broke a little each time she thought about the baby. Why did Angel deserve a child? The thoughts of the baby always brought her back to her relationship with Spike. They had overcome so much, and shared a love that was so deep, yet they would never know the joy of having a child together. It was the one dream that would remain broken for her; the one thing Spike could never give her.  
  
Since Angel had called to tell her about Conner and to ask if he could come in person to tell the others, Buffy had tried everything she could think of to not dwell on thoughts of Angel and his newborn son. She plunged even more deeply into her plans for Thanksgiving, hoping that it would be the most perfect day. She even wrote more than usual in her little diary- the one she was keeping for Spike. The book had originated as a way for her to deal with all of her newly realized and newly admitted feelings for him. But after she had decided that Thanksgiving would be the day she actually told him that she loved him, she started writing about just that- her emotions about telling him, every thing she was planning for the day, how she hoped he would react. And after Angel's phone call, she even started to record her feelings about Conner, and how she was afraid his arrival would have a less than desirable effect on her and Spike. She was going to give this book to Spike at Thanksgiving dinner, so that he would know that she wasn't just saying empty words to him, so he would have proof of how her feelings for him had grown and blossomed over the last year. He'd almost caught her with it a couple of times, too. She would be lost in some memory of them, or so excited to write down some new thing she'd realized that she loved about him, and just when she would be in the middle of writing it all down, he had appeared, as if from no where. Of course she'd managed to hide the journal, making some excuse that it was some ancient text that Giles had sent from England for her to read (she knew that if he thought the book belonged in Giles's extensive collection, he would be less likely to ask to read it.)  
  
But now, on top of everything else that had seemed to go wrong the past week, now she had to worry because Spike had left early that morning without so much as an explanation to her. She knew that he was less than thrilled about Angel's visit, but now that Spike had been gone all day she was beginning to think that perhaps there was more to his disappearance than the impending visit of his sire. Just as she was about to let her imagination run wild with the reasons Spike had left and what could have happened to him, the doorbell shocked her out of her dazed thoughts.  
  
Standing at the front door of the Summers home was Anya, Xander, Willow, and Tara, all wearing their happiest Thanksgiving smiles. Buffy was glad that they were all there, being in the company of her closest friends would help take her mind off of her missing boyfriend. Dawn heard the commotion and bounded down the stairs, greeting everyone with a big Thanksgiving hug.  
  
"Is everyone ready to eat lots of turkey and pumpkin pie and ramble on about what they're most thankful for?" Dawn asked as she plopped down on the sofa with the rest of the Scooby gang.  
  
Everyone smiled and began to talk all at once about how nice it was that they could all be together and celebrate a normal holiday for once. The laughter and giggles continued, and they even seemed to ignore (or at least disregard) the blatant comments from Anya, although in the back of their minds everyone was a little nervous about the sorts of things she would be declaring her thanksgivings for later at dinner.  
  
Buffy was enjoying the scene, taking in the sights and sounds of her friends- her family- and wondered if this is what it felt like to have a normal life. As much as she hated to do it, she thought they deserved a heads-up about their soon-to-arrive visitor. Buffy broke the sounds of merriment with a simple statement "Hey everyone, I just thought I should let you all know that Angel is coming by tonight, he will probably be here in time for dinner".  
  
The jolly sounds of laugher faded as everyone registered what Buffy had just said to them. Suddenly the laughter turned into a barrage of questions, mostly from Xander, and mostly coming in one-word spurts of "What? Why? When? Why?" Buffy promised them that his visit was not of a totally catastrophic nature, and that he had some news to share with everyone, and that she hoped they would all try to be understanding.  
  
Only Anya dared to speak what she was honestly thinking at the moment regarding Angel's arrival; "I just hope that Spike doesn't kill him when he gets here. Bloodshed would definitely put a damper on things" she stated simply.  
  
Before anyone had the chance to explain to her, yet again, the virtue of thinking before you speak, a low growl came from the back of the living room. " I won't kill him right away, no. I want to be sure that he knows just how angry I am with him before I watch him turn to dust".  
  
Buffy spun around to see Spike standing in the doorway to the kitchen, and rushed over to wrap her arms around him. "I've been so worried about you all day. Where have you been? What happened to make you leave this morning? I was worried that you wouldn't come back, and that I wouldn't be able to share my very special gift with you" she said, relieved to feel him in her arms again. But just as quickly as the feeling of relief came over her, the feeling that something was terribly wrong washed over her body, filling her senses. He just stood there, making no move to return her embrace. As Spike pushed her away from him, she looked in his eyes and could see the hurt, anger, and disgust that filled them.  
  
"Drop the innocent act, Slayer. I'm not buying it anymore". He snapped out the words with more harshness than she had ever heard in his voice.  
  
Totally dumfounded, Buffy could only find the word "What?" as a horrified reaction to his tone.  
  
Spike continued: "This whole year I kept telling myself that it had to be too good to be true. Being with you, having you tell me over and over how much you needed me, wanted me, I knew that there was no chance that this was going to last. But lately, I started to believe it. Everything that I'd ever hoped for was coming true. I actually still held out hope that you would love me one day. And now, I realize that what you said on that very first morning we woke up together was true. I was just a convenience". He continued on, ignoring the fact that all of their friends were sitting there witnessing his tirade, and ignoring the horrified look on Buffy's face as tears streamed down her cheeks. "I see now that you were just using me as a substitute until your 'great love' found a way to come back, and as soon as he calls you up and says he's coming you can't profess your love for him fast enough. That's right Buffy; I found your little musing about how thankful you are to have the great love of your life back, and how much you can't live without him. And I've also seen you sneaking around to write in that little book of yours- I'm sure you were writing more sickening little love letters to him. You really should be careful, luv, leaving such incriminating evidence just lying around to be found". * ok, so she hadn't left it lying around, it had fallen out of her coat, but it was all the same to me * he thought as he studied her face when he said those last words to her, as he let her know he caught up with her little plot.  
  
Buffy suddenly realized what he was talking about. She started shaking her head, and muttering "no. no. no. Spike, you misunderstood everything. That's not what you read, and that's certainly not why Angel is coming here today. Please, let me explain"  
  
He cut her off, stating in a much calmer voice "Save it, Slayer. I'm tired of your lies. I really, really tried to muster up the strength to come back here and be supportive of you and your choices, but I just can't. I will not stay around here and watch you make the biggest mistake of your life with HIM. I can't do it, and I won't. Thanks for the memories." And with that he spun around, and stalked out the back door, into the night, with his duster swaying in the breeze, adding to his dramatic exit. Buffy fell to the floor, violent sobs wrenching through her body as she realized that she might not be able to get him to see the honest truth. She might not be able to get him to come back, so she could share with him her true feelings for him and fix the dream that he now thought was broken.  
  
In all of the commotion of Spike's heated monologue, only Dawn had heard the soft knock at the front door. She got up to open it, and her mouth dropped open when she saw who was there. She slowly, with a look of sheer disbelief, said "Um.come in". She wandered back into the living room, and saw her sister in a small, sobbing heap on the floor. Just as the back door slammed behind Spike, she said to whoever would listen to her "Um, guys? Angel's here. With a baby."  
  
TBC. 


	3. Emotions run high

Author's Notes: Sorry this chapter took so long to post. things just got way too hectic around the holidays. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story and shown an interest in it; I hope you will enjoy this chapter, and I promise to try and get out the following chapters quickly! I've decided to dedicate the rest of this story to my best friend, because, well, she's just the greatest and has been so supportive of my venture into writing. Thanks a million!  
  
Plot note: I've just realized that the whole "Angel has a baby" thing isn't really flowing with actual continuity, but just for the sake of the story, can we assume that Angel's baby wasn't born in this season, but sometime in the near future, like just before my story takes place? That would be ever so helpful if you could make that minor adjustment to what we know to be true ;)  
  
Disclaimer: Same as always, they belong to Joss. please don't sue me!  
  
Feedback: Please! I'd love to know what you think about where the story is going, and it inspires me to write faster (  
  
  
  
Chapter 3: Emotions run high  
  
Everyone was shocked; torn between reacting to Buffy, who was lying in a sobbing heap on the floor, or Angel, who was standing in the doorway cradling a baby in his arms. Finally, the Scoobies silently decided to split up and deal with both of them at once. Xander and Anya went to Buffy, and tried to get her to sit up and get control of herself, while Willow and Tara crossed the room to where Angel and Dawn were standing.  
  
Angel broke the awkward silence by asking Willow "What just happened here? Why did Spike storm out, and why is Buffy sobbing?" Willow nodded her head toward the baby and said "Listen, mister, I don't think you're really in a position to ask all the questions here." Angel lowered his eyes, acknowledging that Willow was right, and that he owed them an explanation regarding the cooing child he held in his arms. But he also thought that it was more important to take care of Buffy before launching into his explanations about the baby and his sudden visit. He leaned over to Willow, and said "Let's get Buffy taken care of first, then I will explain everything". Willow nodded, and they went over to where Xander and Anya were trying to comfort Buffy, just as Conner started to cry.  
  
**  
  
Buffy was hysterical. Xander and Anya had managed to get her to sit up, but they couldn't really get her to make sense of anything she was saying. She just kept rambling on about how everything was falling apart, Spike misunderstood, she had to get him back, she had to make him understand. She finally snapped out of her rambling sobs when she heard a baby cry. Buffy's head snapped up, and she saw Angel standing there. Suddenly, Buffy left her better judgment behind and went with the only thought that came to her mind. As hot tears sprang to her eyes again, she hissed "This is all YOUR fault! If you hadn't insisted on coming here, today of all days, this never would have happened. Spike wouldn't have had any reason to doubt me, and I would be telling him how much I love him right now instead of.. Oh no." her words trailed off as she realized that he was gone.  
  
Everyone looked a little stunned at Buffy's sudden outburst, only then realizing that everything Spike had been ranting about earlier had in fact been in reference to himself. Anya stated the obvious, as she could always be counted on to do: "Oh. You were going to tell Spike that you loved him, but he thought you were talking about Angel, since Angel was coming to visit." Everyone rolled their eyes at her, and Dawn stepped up.  
  
"Buffy, you have to find him, and make him understand" she said urgently to her sister.  
  
"Yes. I have to find him. Now. You guys stay here, I'm sure you all want to hear what Angel has to say. I'm going to find Spike and bring him home." With that, Buffy was out the back door in a flash, leaving her friends and her sister standing in the living room, all looking at Angel and waiting for his explanation to begin.  
  
***  
  
Spike couldn't get the image of the look on Buffy's face out of his head. How could she manage to look so innocent and horrified, when he'd found the evidence of her profession to Angel? To Spike, it seemed like there were a million thoughts running through his head, and he couldn't really settle on any one for very long. Every now and then, though, he would allow himself to contemplate the possibility that he was wrong. What if Buffy had been telling the truth when she said that he had misunderstood what he read? He hadn't given her the chance to finish what she was starting to say, and he wasn't totally sure if he interrupted her because he was afraid of what she might say to him that might hurt him more, or because he wanted her to feel some of the hurt he'd been feeling all day. Just as quickly as he let this thought of being wrong slip into his head, however, he pushed it right back out. Spike knew that dwelling too long on a thought like that was traveling down a dangerous path, because it would be so easy to talk himself into staying, which he thought could only end in more heartbreak for him. So, as quickly as he could manage, he threw some extra clothes into a back and headed out of his crypt. As Spike got into his car, he realized that he had given little thought to where he would go, and as he began to drive away he knew that it really didn't matter. The only thing that did matter was getting out of Sunnydale and away from so many reminders of his life with Buffy.  
  
***  
  
Willow looked at Angel anxiously, almost urging him to get on with whatever it was he had come to tell them. Angel was still reeling from what Buffy had said to him before she left, and he desperately wanted for someone to explain to him exactly what was going on with her, but he knew that the Scoobies expected and deserved an explanation from him. He started to speak slowly, wondering how to choose his words to explain the reason for his visit. "Guys, I think maybe we should all go sit down, and I'll try to explain everything."  
  
The group moved to the living room, and each person took a seat, while Angel remained standing and paced around in front of them. He decided just to tell them exactly what had happened in L.A.- about Darla coming back, about Conner's birth, and about how he was worried that some great evil was coming to try and take the baby away. He studied everyone's face as he told them his story. Dawn and Tara looked totally confused, Anya was completely intrigued, and Willow and Xander seemed to land somewhere in the middle. Xander was the first to speak up as Angel finished his explanation. "Now, I'll be the first to admit that I haven't always been a huge fan of yours, Angel. But you have to know that we will do whatever we can to help you out. We all know how much it will mean to Buffy for us to pull together and make sure you and the baby are safe." Everyone else began to nod in agreement, and Willow added "Of course Angel, you know that we will do whatever we can to help, but I have to admit that I didn't even see this coming. Finding out about you being a father was the last thing I expected from this trip."  
  
Angel lowered his eyes and said "I know, but I just didn't think I could do this over the phone, especially since some sort of great evil may be on its way here." Slowly everyone smiled to show their support, and Dawn asked shyly "Angel, could I hold the baby?" "Sure, just be careful" he replied as he gently placed the child in her arms. Dawn sat down on the sofa with Anya and began to marvel over how small and cute he was. Angel took the opportunity to find out exactly what had happened before he got there. He asked Willow, and she motioned to Xander to join their conversation before she explained about Spike and Buffy. The two friends took Angel into the kitchen and told him everything about how Spike and Buffy had gotten together, and how they were actually quite happy. Then Willow told him about what Spike had said to Buffy just before he stormed out, and how from there they had all just had to sort of piece everything together. "But apparently, Buffy hasn't actually said 'I love you' to Spike yet, and she was planning on doing it after dinner tonight. But when Spike found her notes for her Thanksgiving speech, he assumed she was talking about you, since you were coming and Buffy had been a little stressed out about your visit. So he jumped to conclusions and left", Willow explained. In the back of her mind, she hoped that Buffy would find Spike before it was too late. They all had seen how much things had progressed between the two, and Willow knew how much Buffy had grown to love Spike. If he left, Willow was afraid that it just might cause irreparable harm to Buffy. Angel asked them if someone should go out and help Buffy look for Spike, but Xander thought that right now that might be a bad idea. "I think maybe we should just let her be for now. I mean, it hasn't been too long since he left here, I'm sure Spike couldn't have gone far. Let's just give Buffy a chance to find him and get everything straightened out. If we haven't heard from one of them in a little while, then we'll go out and start looking on our own" Xander offered. Willow and Angel agreed, and the trio made their way back to the living room to check up on the others.  
  
***  
  
Buffy ran down her street and through town at lightening speed. The only thing running through her mind was that she HAD to find Spike, and she had to make him understand what had happened. Before she even realized it, she had arrived at Spike's crypt. She opened the door and looked around slowly, letting her eyes adjust to the dim light of the interior of the crypt. As her eyes adjusted she noticed that there were a few candles burning in the corner of the room, and she made her way across the room and lit a few more candles so she could see more easily. As she looked around the crypt, she felt a little relieved. Everything was still in its place. That had to be a good sign, right? Maybe Spike hadn't left town; after all his things were still in his crypt, it didn't really look like he had frantically packed up to leave. After all, they shared such a deep connection, wouldn't she know if he was really gone? Buffy began to hope that Spike had just gone out to blow off some steam and that he would be back later, and she would be there waiting on him to work everything out. But the longer she sat there, tiny little nagging thoughts crept into Buffy's mind, making her doubt her certainty that Spike had not left town. She got up and started to plunder around the crypt, going from place to place as if she was ticking off items on a mental checklist. Buffy was looking for any shred of evidence that would calm her fears and give her hope that Spike would be coming home soon. She looked around the room again, and noticed that everything that was usually lying around the crypt was there, just as it always was. She went to the fridge; his usual supply of blood was there. She made her way down the stairs to his bedroom, and noticed that the bed was not made; in fact, it looked as if the sheets and blankets had not really been touched since the last time she was here with Spike. He never really made the bed up unless he was leaving for a long time or he knew that she was coming over and wanted to make things extra romantic. So far, all good signs. nothing pointing to his absence, other than the fact that he wasn't physically there. But then, as Buffy began to open the drawers of the old dresser he used for his clothes, she felt her heart sink. All of his signature black t-shirts were gone; most of his button-downs, and almost all of his jeans were missing. She ran to his bathroom to find that his most of his things in there were not in their proper place, and finally she made her self look under his bed for the little duffle bag she'd given him to use when he spent extended time at her house. It was not in its place. Reality hit Buffy harder than any demon she'd ever fought. Spike was gone.  
  
***  
  
As a last ditch effort, Buffy decided to try some of the places that Spike used to hang out, hoping that she just might find him. She tried the Bronze, Willy's and a couple of other bars that she remembered Spike going to, but he wasn't at any of them, and no one had seen him. She knew checking those places was a long shot, and as she wandered around she didn't even want to begin to imagine her life without Spike. Buffy eventually ended up at her mother's grave, which really didn't surprise her. In the days following her own return to Sunnydale, she had spent plenty of time there, seeking comfort from the harshness of being snatched from the paradise she felt while she was gone. For Buffy, coming here made her feel close to her mother, and she would pour out her problems hoping that somehow, somewhere, Joyce was listening. Buffy sat down, and gently traced the letters etched on the marble stone with her fingers. As tears slowly began to slip down her cheeks, Buffy began to speak.  
  
"Mommy, can you hear me? I think I've really messed up this time, and I just don't know how to fix it. I guess I really should have known better than to hope for a nice, normal Thanksgiving. I mean, what holiday has ever been normal around here? I had these grand plans to tell Spike how much I loved him. I was finally going to tell him, so that he wouldn't wonder anymore about how I felt about him. But then Angel called and planned a visit to tell everyone about his baby. Yes, Angel has a baby. I was so worried about him coming to town, and so depressed at the thought of him actually having a child, knowing that Spike and I wouldn't ever have children, I didn't even realize that I was not paying attention to Spike and how much he was apprehensive about Angel coming to town. Then he found my notes that outlined what I was going to say to him, but he thought they were meant for Angel, and now he's gone. Spike is gone, and I have to find some way to get him back. But I don't even know where to start looking for him, because he's left town, and I can't even imagine where he might have gone." Buffy continued to ramble on, not even paying attention to what she was saying, or how hard she'd started to cry. As she broke down even more and allowed herself to get lost in her overwhelming emotions, Buffy didn't notice that there was a suspicious figure lurking in the shadows, and she didn't hear his footsteps as he approached the spot where she sat beside her mother's grave, and she didn't even see it coming when he reached out and grabbed her.  
  
**  
  
More notes: Sorry for another cliff hanger, but I wanted to get this updated! Look for another chapter either later today or tomorrow. 


	4. Hanging by a moment

Disclaimer: see previous chapters; the song in this chapter belongs to Lifehouse, and is on their album "No name face". Sorry if the song seems cheesy, but I can't get it out of my head, and it just seemed to fit.  
  
Notes: Please, please don't hate me after reading this chapter. I promise things are not going to end as they may seem.  
  
Chapter 4: Hanging by a moment  
  
  
  
The demon Corcoran lurked in the shadows behind a crypt, just waiting for his prey. Corcoran was a large demon, very strong and very ugly (even by demon standards). He was tall, his skin was scaly and cast with a deep red pigment, his face was wrinkled and his eyes were a pale white color, with flecks of red. He didn't know if they knew about him yet, but he had heard tales of them- the slayer and the vampire who worked together fighting demons. It disgusted him the way they trusted each other, and he was sickened when he thought of how they had fallen in love.  
  
"I'll show them just how wrong they were to ever believe they could have a life together. I'll make them pay for their 'goodness'. with their lives." The demon vowed silently as he searched for the slayer and her vampire.  
  
Suddenly, he heard someone speaking. The demon listened carefully, and could not believe his luck. The very slayer he was searching for was sitting just around the corner, blabbering on about some huge mistake. The slayer was obviously upset, and very off her game. Corcoran couldn't have asked for this to be any easier. Just as he saw her shoulders slump into an even more vulnerable position, he decided to make his move. In a flash he was behind her. She didn't even know he was there. He reached out and grabbed Buffy, pulling her to her feet, spinning her to face him.  
  
"Corcoran." Buffy squeaked out as a look of horror found its way to her face. His grip on her was so strong, so powerful; she couldn't even manage to move in any attempt to free herself from his grasp.  
  
"Well, Slayer, I'm impressed that you know of me. You must know then how repulsed I am by you and your little pet vampire. But you needn't concern yourself with me- you won't be alive long enough to try and save yourself or your lover."  
  
All Buffy could think of was Spike, and what this monster may have done to him. Subconsciously, she beckoned to him to save her, but she knew that he would not come. Buffy tried to break free from the demon's grasp, but she still couldn't move an inch. Corcoran held his firm grasp on her, and moved her so she was standing at arms length. Just as he raised a clenched fist, Buffy screamed. Her scream was cut short as Corcoran's fist met her right cheek, and Buffy collapsed in an unconscious heap, the last thing she remembered being a flash of white light behind her eyes.  
  
***  
  
Back at the house on Revello Drive, the Scooby gang was really starting to worry. It had been at least a couple of hours, and they had not heard from either Buffy or Spike. Willow and Xander quietly chatted in the corner, trying not to alarm Dawn.  
  
"Xander, I'm really worried. I mean, Buffy's been gone so long and surely she would have come back by now to let us know whether or not she'd found him." Willow stated.  
  
"But, Will, don't you think that if she couldn't find him she would have wanted some time alone? I'm thinking that the last thing she would want if he really did leave was to come back here and feel like she had to put on a happy face for all of us." Xander replied.  
  
Angel walked up just as they were finishing their conversation. The two friends could tell that he was just as worried as they were. "Guys, I think we should maybe start looking for Buffy. It just can't be good that she's been gone this long without letting us hear from her."  
  
"See? I'm not the only one with the wiggins because she's been gone for hours" Willow told Xander.  
  
***  
  
Willow, Xander, and Angel decided that they should go and look for Buffy. It was getting way too late and if she hadn't found Spike, they felt sure that she would be in no emotional condition to wander the streets of Sunnydale. Conner was asleep, so they decided that Angel and Xander would go out and search for Buffy, and Anya would go to the Magic shop and wait in case either Buffy or Spike showed up there, while Willow and Tara kept watch at the house.  
  
After dropping Anya off at the shop, Xander and Angel decided to split up and look for Buffy. Xander went to check downtown, searching in the spots that he thought Buffy might have gone if she had found Spike, and Angel went to check a few clubs and the cemetery.  
  
Xander's search was unsuccessful. He went back to the Magic shop to wait with Anya. He tried to act nonchalant about the whole situation, but he was starting to worry too. It just wasn't like Buffy to disappear for hours and hours and not at least let them know where she was. Xander started to have a very bad feeling that something was terribly wrong.  
  
Angel finished his rounds of the clubs with no luck. As he made his way through the cemetery, he decided to make a stop by Spike's crypt, halfway hoping that he would find Buffy and Spike there and that they would have some crazy story about how they'd made up and lost track of time. As he approached the crypt, Angel heard a scream that sounded all too familiar. He sprinted around a few corners, toward where he heard the scream. As he looked up and saw a red demon running toward the edge of the cemetery, he realized that he was near Joyce's grave. He looked over and saw Buffy lying in a heap beside her mother's grave, and she didn't look like she was breathing. Angel was torn between helping her right away and going after the thing that did this to her. His head snapped up, and realized that Corcoran had turned and was running back toward the grave.  
  
Angel stood and faced the direction of the approaching demon. When Corcoran reached his destination he didn't even have the chance to question who Angel was or why he was there by the Slayer's side. With one angry punch, Angel knocked the red, scaly demon to the ground, and after several more pummeling blows, he delivered the fatal swing, and Corcoran disintegrated into a puff of scarlet smoke and dust. Angel immediately turned his attention to Buffy, who was seriously injured. He scooped her up and quickly took her to his car, and rushed Buffy to the emergency room.  
  
***  
  
The phone at the Summers home rang, and Willow jumped to answer it before it woke either Dawn or Conner. Tara watched as Willow's expression melted from one of concern, to one of shock, to one of horror. As she hung up the phone, she started to cry when she told Tara about the call. Angel was at the hospital, and Buffy was in the ER, in serious condition. Willow was too hysterical to think straight, so Tara managed to call Xander at the Magic shop. He and Anya were back at the house as quickly as they could speed there in Anya's little car. Xander woke Dawn and told her that they had to go to the hospital, that Buffy was hurt. Dawn was too stunned to say anything. While Willow and Tara helped Dawn get ready to go, Xander and Anya gathered some things for Conner in a small bag and actually managed to get him to the car without waking him.  
  
At the hospital everyone poured into the ER waiting area, looking for Angel to get an update on Buffy's condition. Angel came out of a small exam room and joined the others in the waiting room. Buffy's doctor explained to them that she was unconscious, due to the trauma she'd suffered. She had a deep gash above her left eye, and had several bad bruises on various parts of her body. She also had several lacerations on her arms and chest, and had lost a considerable amount of blood.  
  
The doctor told them: "Ms. Summers is lucky that Mr. Angel found her when he did. It appears that whatever attacked her had left her for dead, and she just may have been if she hadn't gotten to the hospital when she did. Right now all we know is that the next few days will be critical. You should all talk to her when you are visiting with her. We have all evidence that victims who are unconscious can hear you, so talk to her. Encourage her to fight, remind her of what she has to come back for. If you have any more concerns, please contact me." If he only knew how hard that would be.  
  
***  
  
Spike had been driving for about three hours, with absolutely no idea where he was heading. Somewhere deep inside he felt sure (or maybe he was just foolishly hoping?) that he'd barely missed Buffy, that she had most likely come looking for him and that she'd arrived at his crypt moments after he left. But now he was just driving, trying to get away from Sunnydale. Away from Buffy, away from any reminders of her. The more he thought about it, he was glad that he'd packed and left in such a hurry. In his haste to leave, he hadn't brought along any real reminders of her- no photos, no little mementos of the time they had spent together. It was better this way. It was the only way he could ease the pain he felt whenever a thought of her crept into his mind, breaking his heart into even more pieces. Out of sight, out of mind. If she was happy with Angel, then so be it. No looking back.  
  
That was great in theory, but it proved to be much harder than he planned. As Spike switched on the radio, he realized that it was playing one of those silly mix tapes that Dawn loved to make when she was bored. She had made two copies of this particular edition, one each for Buffy and Spike. She'd said that the songs reminded her of the two of them, and their relationship. As the words to the song blared from the speakers, Spike resisted the urge to eject the tape and throw it out the window. Instead, he resigned himself to listen to it and allow himself to grieve for the dream he'd lost with his Slayer.  
  
**  
  
Desperate for changing  
  
Starving for truth  
  
I'm closer to where i started  
  
Chasing after you  
  
i'm falling even more in love with you  
  
letting go of all i've held onto  
  
i'm standing here until you make me move  
  
i'm hanging by a moment here with you  
  
forgetting all i'm lacking  
  
completely and complete  
  
i'll take your invitation  
  
you take all of me  
  
now.. i'm falling even more in love with you  
  
letting go of all i've held onto  
  
i'm standing here until you make me move  
  
i'm hanging by a moment here with you  
  
i'm living for the only thing i know  
  
i'm running and not quite sure where to go  
  
i don't know what i'm diving into  
  
just hanging by a moment here with you  
  
there's nothing left to lose  
  
nothing left to find  
  
there is nothing in the world that can change my mind  
  
there is nothing else  
  
there is nothing else..  
  
Desperate for changing  
  
Starving for truth  
  
Closer where i Started  
  
Chasing after you  
  
i'm falling even more in love with you  
  
letting go of all i've held onto  
  
i'm standing here until you make me move  
  
i'm hanging by a moment here with you  
  
i'm living for the only thing i know  
  
i'm running and not quite sure where to go  
  
i don't know what i'm diving into  
  
just hanging by a moment here with you  
  
**  
  
The words swam around in his head, conjuring up more emotion than he really cared to feel at that moment. The meaning of the song described so much of his past, but also now seemed to describe so much of his future. Forgetting Buffy was going to be the hardest thing he had ever had to do.  
  
Spike saw a blue road sign that read: Rest Area, 1 mile. He decided to stop and figure out exactly where he was, and exactly where he would go from here. After studying the maps inside the building, he figured out that he could be to Las Vegas in a little over another hour. 'That might be an interesting destination' Spike thought to himself. Hardly anyone in that town would be suspicious of him sleeping all day and staying out at night; plus, there was plenty of activity there to hold his interest in his waking hours. Spike decided not to linger long at the rest area, since he could easily make it to Vegas and be safely inside before sunrise.  
  
Suddenly, just as he was getting into his car, Spike could have sworn that he heard a scream in the distance. He spun around, but saw no one in the area. There was only one other car in the parking area, and it was driving away. Did he really hear that scream? As he contemplated the origin of the scream he was so certain he had heard, he felt a sharp pain in his left temple; it felt like someone had sliced his flesh open just above his scarred eyebrow. Spike felt very dizzy, like he may loose consciousness, but he didn't. Just as quickly as the feeling washed over him, he saw a bright flash of white light and the feeling was gone, and he unexpectedly felt completely empty inside.  
  
***  
  
Dawn would not leave her sister's side. As soon as the doctor told them Buffy had been moved to a regular hospital room and could have visitors, she rushed into her sister's room and stayed there, refusing to move. The doctor had told them to talk to Buffy, and Dawn did just that. In fact, not one of their friends could get her to shut up; she just kept on talking to Buffy, reminding her of stories from their childhood, telling her about every little thing she had been doing at school; basically Dawn was just rambling on about whatever came to her mind.  
  
Finally, Willow convinced Dawn to try and get some rest. She knew that Dawn would not leave Buffy's room, but luckily there was a recliner in Buffy's room so Dawn could rest without actually having to go anywhere. As Willow sat down at her friend's bedside and took her tiny, frail hand in her own, she thought about just how pitiful Buffy looked lying in that hospital bed. She looked so broken, so defeated. She silently wished that she wasn't still recovering from her overuse of magic, because if she could she would do a locator spell to find Spike and go and kick his ass for leaving Buffy so vulnerable. Just as she was getting way too caught up in her own thoughts, she heard Dawn mumble something from her curled up position in the recliner.  
  
"What was that, Dawnie?" she whispered.  
  
"Talk to her, Willow. Remember, the doc said to talk to her. She can hear us. Maybe if we keep talking to her she will wake up." Dawn said sleepily.  
  
Willow began to talk to her friend, a little uneasy at first as to what to talk to her about. Eventually her words came without hesitation, and Willow found that it was rather easy to find reasons for Buffy to wake up and come back to them, while still avoiding the whole subject of Spike. But even though her words were coming more easily, Willow could sense that her friend was far, far away, and that she may not be coming back to them anytime soon. Willow just hoped that wherever she was, that she was happy.  
  
TBC 


	5. Dream a little dream of me

Disclaimer: see previous chapters; the song in this chapter is "I will" by James Taylor, please don't sue me for using it ;)  
  
Chapter 5: Dream a little dream of me  
  
For the next five days, one of the Scoobies was at Buffy's bedside every minute. Dawn still wouldn't leave the hospital. The farthest anyone could get her to go was to the unit waiting room, and then she would only stay long enough to drink a soda or eat whatever her friends brought in for her. Willow had finally just packed an overnight bag for Dawn so that they could avoid trying to get her to go home to shower and change clothes.  
  
Dawn asked Tara to bring her little radio to the hospital, and her collection of mix-tapes. She placed the radio on the little table beside Buffy's bed, and would play the music for her. She especially liked to play the "Buffy and Spike mix tape", the one she had made for the two of them earlier that year. Dawn hoped that some of the songs would make Buffy remember how much she loved Spike, and encourage her to wake up so she could find him. Dawn also realized that with the music playing, everyone didn't feel like they had to talk all the time to fill the awkward silence that had begun to fill the hospital room.  
  
Angel had made arrangements to stay indefinitely. He told Willow that he just couldn't bring himself to leave while Buffy was still in a coma. But even Angel's voice didn't stir her from her deep slumber. Everyone would talk to her, and hold her hand, and try to make her feel how much they loved her and needed for her to wake up, but not one of the group could get Buffy to respond in any way. The doctor told them to remain hopeful, though. It appeared that all of her tests were normal; she had suffered no long-term damage. The only apparent explanation he could offer them was that the sudden trauma had sent her deep inside her subconscious to a place that she found safe from harm. Only time would tell what stimulus would be able to bring her back and wake her up. So they waited; hoping everyday that today would be the day they would stumble on something to wake her up.  
  
***  
  
Buffy felt like she was living out some sort of fantasy life. She felt light and airy; everything she touched was soft and warm, and she was surrounded by all the people she loved the most. She knew she wasn't dead, because this didn't feel exactly like Heaven, but rather sort of like the way she wished things really were.  
  
At first, she felt completely detached from everything. The only thing she could remember was seeing a blindingly bright white light, and then feeling like her connections to all the people she loved had been snapped in two- especially her connection to Spike. She had always felt a mystical connection to him, she could always tell if there was something wrong, or feel when he was happy or sad. But when she first started to feel and see things after being blinded by the white light, the first thing she realized was that her connection to Spike was gone. She couldn't feel what was going on with him, and she just felt empty inside.  
  
But slowly the people and things she loved most in her life started to appear to her. She could hear music in the background- vaguely familiar music, and she could hear the voices of all of her friends, entertaining her with happy thoughts and stories from their childhood. When she didn't hear their voices, she rested, but still felt like she was in a state of awareness, like she was living in a dream. And she was beginning to have some really great dreams.  
  
The first dream Buffy had featured herself and all of her loved ones, and they seemed to be on a much-needed vacation. From what she could tell, they were in England, exploring the countryside and visiting castles and cathedrals and all the places they'd read about in all of their research over the years. Of course Spike avoided the cathedrals when they came upon one, but whenever they were in the castles or wandering the streets of some small quaint town he would entertain them with stories of when he had lived in that country. To him it seemed that things had changed greatly, but it was easy enough for Buffy to imagine that things hadn't changed that much at all, and that she was in fact wandering the streets of England with the pre-Spike version of William.  
  
The next night she had a dream that seemed to be set in the future. Buffy was inside of an old church, (one that was no longer used for services but that was still very well kept and beautiful) and she was in a small room getting dressed for some event. When her sister came into the small room, Buffy realized that she was getting ready for her wedding. Dawn had helped her with her veil, and into her wedding dress. Buffy sort of wondered while she was getting dressed who it was that she was preparing to marry, but she felt a sense of calm when she stood at the back door of the church, waiting for Giles to walk her down the aisle. When the doors opened, her eyes met the deep blue ones she knew so well, and she noticed that a huge smile spread across her groom's face as he took in the sight of his bride.  
  
For the next few nights, Buffy didn't really remember any huge events from her dreams. She knew that she did dream, but they were just old familiar scenes, filled with memories of her friends and happy times with her mom and her sister. Buffy sort of thought it was strange that she never dwelt on any of the bad events from her past, like when she fought the master or when Glory tried to use Dawn to end the world. Of course, she remembered that those things had happened but the bad thoughts that surrounded the events never snuck into her dreams. As she dreamed these little dreams, Buffy started to feel rested, and peaceful. She thought that maybe she would soon feel strong enough to find a way out of her fantasy world, and back into real life with the people who visited in her dreams.  
  
She and Spike were the only ones in her next dream. They were walking through a forest on a very cloudy day. The sun was not out enough to harm Spike, and the thick cover of trees above their heads provided plenty of shade should a stray beam of sunshine decide to peak out from behind the clouds. They were walking along, hand in hand, just chatting idly about nothing really important, when all of a sudden they came to a clearing. Buffy raised an eyebrow when she saw that there was a plaid blanket perfectly laid out on the ground, and there were flower petals strewn in pretty patterns on the ground around the blanket. Spike just smirked when he motioned for her to sit on the blanket. Buffy wondered what could possibly be going on, when Spike turned and pulled what looked like a guitar case from behind a near by tree. He took his place next to her, and started to sing her a song. He had only sang to her once before, when the demon came to town and made them all dance and sing like they were acting out some made-for-television musical. Buffy was touched by the words of his sweet ballad, and thought she might cry at the gesture. She had heard this song before, but it was so out of character for him she couldn't really place where she had heard it- she just sat there in awe and listened as this man she loved so much poured his heart out to her though music.  
  
**  
  
1 Who knows how long I've loved you  
  
You know I love you still  
  
Will I wait a lonely lifetime  
  
If you want me to I will.  
  
'Cause if I ever saw you  
  
I didn't catch your name  
  
But it doesn't really matter  
  
I will always feel the same  
  
I'll love you forever and forever  
  
Love you with all my heart  
  
Love you whenever we're together  
  
Love you when we're apart  
  
When I finally find you  
  
This song will fill the air  
  
Sing it loud so I can hear you  
  
Make it easy to be near you  
  
All the things you do, endear you to me  
  
Oh, you know I will  
  
I'll love you forever and forever  
  
Love you with all my heart  
  
I love you whenever we're together  
  
Love you when we're apart  
  
When I finally find you  
  
This song will fill the air  
  
Sing it loud so I can hear you  
  
Make it easy to be near you  
  
All the things you do endear you to me  
  
Oh, you know I will. I will  
  
**  
  
Buffy's next dream was not as happy as her others had been, but in the same sense it wasn't really bad. She never could really figure out where she was, other than she knew she was in a hotel room with Spike. He was sleeping, and when she woke him up he seemed less than happy to see her. She began speaking to him, despite the fact that he looked at her like she was the second to last person he wanted to see just then.  
  
"Spike," she started "I know that you are upset with me right now, and you have every right to be." As Buffy heard the words she uttered in her dream the events from Thanksgiving day came back to her, and she remembered why he would not be happy to see her. Her speech continued.  
  
"Please, just hear me out. Something has happened that you don't know about, and I can't really tell you about it right now. But you need to know that I need you, desperately. maybe more now than I've ever needed you in my entire life. I need to be saved, and you are the only one who can save me. And if you don't get back to Sunnydale soon, it may be too late."  
  
"She's telling the truth, Spike." Buffy and Spike both snapped their head toward the door and wondered why in the world Angel was there.  
  
"Why are you here? This is MY dream!" Buffy shouted at him.  
  
"I thought you might could use a little help. Spike, you got things all wrong when you left on Thanksgiving. Since this is Buffy's dream, I'm not going to stay very long. I just had to tell you that you're being selfish right now, staying away from her when you know you need her as much as she needs you. She loves you, more than she loves her own life. She doesn't love me, and I didn't come to Sunnydale to ruin things for the two of you. Now get up off your ass and get home, and save the woman you love."  
  
With that, Angel disappeared as quickly as he had appeared in the dream. Buffy felt things beginning to get hazy, and she told Spike that she had to go.  
  
"You must know that everything I said to you tonight is true, as well as what Angel said. Please come back to me, and please come before it's too late."  
  
***  
  
Buffy had been in the hospital for nine days. It was Angel's turn to sit with her, and for a few long moments he just sat and gazed at her. Most of her bruises had faded, and the cuts on her arms and legs had healed. The only real evidence that she'd even been hurt was a rather large bruise on her right cheek that just would not go away, and the bandage that covered the gash over her left eye. It had been her deepest wound, and the doctor had told them that it would take the longest to heal. Angel finally took Buffy's small hand in his own, and was surprised to find that it felt so lifeless. His heightened senses alerted him that her heart rate was slowing down, and that she wasn't filled with any of the energy he had sensed in her during the past few days. She was slipping away.  
  
Angel knew that the only person who would be able to save her was Spike, and he really had no idea where to find him. He could always try his trick of using his metal telepathy connection to Spike. He'd never really used it on Spike before. He'd used it a couple of times on Dru, and it had worked, so he decided that it might be his only chance to help save Buffy. While he held Buffy's hand, Angel started to concentrate on finding Spike. When his thoughts were settled, he began to speak, hoping that Spike could hear him, and that he would listen.  
  
* "Spike, you got things all wrong when you left on Thanksgiving. Since this is Buffy's dream, I'm not going to stay very long. I just had to tell you that you're being selfish right now, staying away from her when you know you need her as much as she needs you. She loves you, more than she loves her own life. She doesn't love me, and I didn't come to Sunnydale to ruin things for the two of you. Now get up off your ass and get home, and save the woman you love." * His thoughts were cut short when Dawn walked in the room and asked him if anything seemed different with Buffy.  
  
He lied to Dawn, deciding that it would be useless to worry her just now. He told her that Buffy seemed to be about the same, and that they just needed to stick by her and remind her how much they all loved her.  
  
***  
  
During his first two days in Vegas, Spike didn't have the strength to do anything, other than lay in his hotel room and sleep. The sleep didn't even really do him any good though, it was fitful and the now present feeling of emptiness overwhelmed him. It was all he could do to get up, inch over to the mini fridge and grab out a pack of blood that he'd bought from a butcher he found on his way into town. He knew that if he didn't eat he'd never get his strength back, but in the back of his mind he didn't even really care.  
  
Then it happened. The third night he was there, Buffy began to sneak into his dreams. His sleeping hours became more restful, and it was almost as if nothing had changed between them. He had dreams that they were on spectacular vacations, that they were walking through lush forests, and one night he even had a vision of Buffy as the most beautiful bride he'd ever seen in his entire existence. His favorite dreams were the smaller ones, though, the ones where they were just together, and happy, and spending time with the people who meant the most to them.  
  
Spike had been in Vegas for about nine days when he had a dream that both mystified and horrified him at the same time. Buffy came to him in a dream, and told him that she needed for him to save her. Then Angel was there backing up the fact that Buffy needed him. Angel came and went rather quickly in the dream, while Buffy lingered a bit longer. Spike could tell that something definitely was not right with her. Was that a bruise he saw on her shadowy face? As she disappeared from his dream, Spike shot up in bed, sucking in a deep, although unnecessary, breath. Could it be true? Could she really need him? He had failed to save her once, and as a result had to spend one hundred forty-seven grueling days knowing she was six feet under in the Sunnydale Cemetery. If she really did need him, and he failed her again, Spike knew that he would not be able to continue existing. He immediately got up and threw his things in a bag, and checked out of his hotel. Throwing his old tattered blanket over his head, he made it to the safety of his car, behind blacked-out windows. Spike had not looked at a clock, but figured that it was late afternoon. The four hour drive would put him in Sunnydale just before sunset, and he hoped that he could find Buffy before it was too late.  
  
***  
  
Anya looked up from counting her money at the shop when she heard the bell jingle over the front door. The look on Xander's face told her that things were not going well at the hospital. She closed the cash drawer and went to sit with her fiancé at the research table.  
  
"How is Buffy? Is there any change?" she asked apprehensively.  
  
"Well, no, there's no significant change, but the doctor does not seem to be as hopeful." Xander explained. " He came in this afternoon and explained to all of us that Buffy's vitals are not as strong as they've been in the last few days, and she's not being as responsive to those stimulus tests they've been doing on her everyday."  
  
"You mean the ones where they shine a light in her eyes and stick her with little pins?"  
  
"Yes, those." Xander continued. " Dawn is not taking the news very well. She told the doctor that she refused to believe that her sister would not wake up, and how dare he come into her room where she could hear him and basically say he'd given up on her. She's fighting mad, and I'm not really sure if there's anything we can do to calm her down, short of sedating her. I'm worried about both of them, and I'm afraid that the only thing that can save Buffy now is Spike, and we have no way of finding him."  
  
"Xander, you look tired. Why don't you go home and try to get some rest, and I will go back to the hospital and stay with Dawn and Angel tonight."  
  
Xander was touched by his fiancé's offer, and a little surprised at how she didn't throw in some completely inappropriate innuendo. He finally agreed, and she told him that she had one thing to finish up at the shop, and then she would close and head over to the hospital. She had just finished up her final counting of the money for the evening, and was hurriedly gathering her things to leave for the hospital when she heard the doorbell clink again.  
  
"I'm sorry but we're already closed for the evening. I have to leave, it's a family emergency." Anya said before she looked up to see who was standing in the doorway.  
  
"Bloody hell, it's true, then" came the reply in an all too familiar English accent.  
  
Anya looked up to see Spike standing in the doorway of the shop. She'd never been happier to see him. "Come on" she said, as she grabbed his arm and pulled him out the door "we have to get you to the hospital NOW! I'll explain on the way." 


	6. Broken dreams

Disclaimer: same as previous chapters  
  
Chapter six: Broken Dreams  
  
Spike didn't recall it ever taking this long to get to the hospital. The very imagery brought up by Anya's account of what had happened to Buffy made Spike sick to his stomach. Could vampires even be sick at their stomachs? His mind was reeling; he knew this whole thing was his fault. If he hadn't left so hastily on Thanksgiving, then Buffy wouldn't have been alone in the cemetery, and she wouldn't have been injured and now lying in the hospital in a coma.  
  
Just before they reached the hospital, Anya decided she'd better tell Spike the part of the story that she'd left out until then. Spike was surprised at the kind tone in her voice, much less calculated and obvious than usual, and more caring and concerned.  
  
"Spike, there's something else. Today the doctor told us that he was afraid Buffy was slipping deeper into her coma. He's afraid that she's too far gone, and Dawn is really not taking it very well. We're hoping that knowing you are here will save her. Nothing we have tried so far has helped. But you should be prepared for the reaction you'll get from Dawn. She's not wanting to face the possibility of loosing her sister again, and she's looking for anyone she can to blame."  
  
"Well, then, she won't have to look any further than me then, since this is all my fault."  
  
"Spike, no.that's not what I meant. I just meant that you should be aware that things are likely to not be pretty when we get in there. But I'm sure that Angel and I can convince Dawn that it's important for you to see Buffy right away, and we can keep her occupied while you see Buffy." Anya explained.  
  
"Angel's there? Great. That's just what I need- the two people who hate me the most right now, all in one night."  
  
"Come on, Spike. We have to go inside."  
  
**  
  
Dawn was so angry with the doctor that she felt like her blood was going to boil. How dare he come into Buffy's room and basically tell them to give up hope that anything would bring her sister out of this coma. * I swear, if I ever see Spike again, I'll kick his ass right back to wherever he ran off to for the last two weeks * Dawn thought to herself. Angel had been napping in the chair, which normally would totally creep her out. He looked so dead when he slept. She wished he would wake up, because all of this negative energy she was feeling couldn't be good for encouraging the Buffy situation.  
  
Angel began to stir, and Dawn jumped up and crossed the room to where he was sitting. As soon as his eyes were open, Dawn said "Angel will you sit with Buffy? I need to get out of this room for a little while."  
  
Angel wondered at her sudden need to get away. Normally they had to pry her out the door, just to go eat something. "Are you sure you're ok?" He asked.  
  
"Sure, I- I- I just need some air" she stammered.  
  
"Well, try not to be gone too long. I don't like the idea of you wandering around all alone, and Anya probably won't be here for about another hour." Dawn agreed to not be gone too long, and stalked out into the hallway.  
  
Dawn wandered around down the hall, and noticed that Buffy's room was on a rather large unit, with a hallway that snaked around into a whole other unit of the hospital. At the end of the hallway, Dawn saw a small, quiet seating area that she'd never know was there before. There was large picture window, and she found herself gazing out at the beautiful sunset. She heard the click of a door opening behind her, and then the cry of several babies. She turned around to see where the cries had come from, and saw a nurse walking around the corner as a door quietly closed behind her. Dawn walked around the corner from the window, and saw why she'd heard babies crying. The hallway from Buffy's unit connected with the OB unit, and Dawn found herself in front of the nursery windows.  
  
Proud new fathers and grandparents stood there, oo-ing and ah-ing over the newest additions to their families. As she stood there looking at the babies, she felt some of her anxiety melting away. The babies were so tiny and their faces looked so peaceful. She envied them because they didn't have a care in the world. They didn't know what it was like to have a sister lying in a coma down the hall. Dawn let her own thoughts drift, and she soon found herself contemplating an unsettling notion. None of this probably would have happened if it weren't for Angel bringing Conner to meet them. * Guess that negates the whole 'babies are bundles of joy' thing * she caught herself thinking. But Dawn knew this was wrong however. Conner didn't ask to be born, anymore than he asked for Angel to bring him to Sunnydale. Although now she sort of felt like she could shift a little of the blame to Angel, but what ever blame she placed on him could be easily forgiven, because the doctor had told them flat out that Buffy would be dead if Angel hadn't found her and took her to the hospital when he did. So that still left Dawn placing most of her blame on Spike. She decided to go out on the front porch and get that breath of fresh air she'd told Angel she was going for, and then go back and wait in the waiting room for a little while until Anya showed up.  
  
Dawn sat in the waiting room but she was too restless to just sit around. She found herself pacing around outside of Buffy's room. She knew that Angel could probably hear her, and she knew it was probably driving him crazy. So, she sat down in the hallway beside Buffy's door, not quite ready to go back inside. She heard Anya's voice in the distance, and wondered whom she was talking to. Maybe Xander was with her, or maybe she was talking to him on her cell phone.  
  
"I'm just trying to make sure that you know what you're walking into. I mean, if Xander were lying in hospital bed in this condition, I certainly would want someone to prepare me."  
  
Ok, so she wasn't talking to Xander. Figuring out exactly who Anya was talking to was just too much for Dawn at that moment, but she wouldn't have to wait very long to know who it was. Dawn looked up and saw Anya round the corner, and following closely behind her she saw the bleach blonde vamp she'd been mentally assaulting all day.  
  
Dawn jumped up and ran down the hall toward them. Spike saw her coming and prepared to embrace her and calm her fears about her sister. He was not, however, prepared for her to smack him in the face. Before he could say anything, Dawn started talking, raising her voice with every sentence.  
  
"How dare you show up here, you son of a bitch? It's your bleeding fault that she's here, and that we might not get her back. What the hell were you thinking coming here? Did you think we were just going to welcome you back, and act like nothing happened? This is all your fault, it's your fault that my sister might die, and I swear to you, Spike, if she does, I will hunt you down and stake you myself."  
  
Spike was speechless as the slayer's sister continued to shout at him. She was still hitting him, too, slapping and throwing punches as the strained words tumbled out of her mouth. As her face flushed out of anger, she was shouting obscenities at him that he didn't even know that the 16-year-old had heard before.  
  
Anya was at first caught off guard by Dawn's sudden outburst, and not really sure what to do to stop it. Finally she found her voice and said "Hey! Dawn stop it! Angel, come help us!"  
  
Angel heard the disturbance in the hallway, and rushed out of Buffy's room to find Dawn, pinning Spike up against the wall, shouting at him and threatening to beat him senseless. Angel lunged forward and managed to pull Dawn off of Spike. She was still flailing her arms around, but he managed to hold her and spin her around so that she was no longer looking at Spike.  
  
"Dawn!" he said, " This is not the time! He may be our only chance to save Buffy. Now I know that you are upset with him, I think we all probably are." At this point Angel shot a pointed glance to Spike, and Spike knew that he was facing a long road to forgiveness with his friends. Angel continued. "Dawn, please go with Anya to the waiting room, and wait. I need to talk to Spike and then we need to let him see Buffy. Do you think you can do that for me?"  
  
The younger Summers sister nodded her head. When you put it that way, she could agree. She would do anything not to loose her sister again. She could always wail on Spike later, when they left the hospital.  
  
As Dawn and Anya walked toward the waiting room, Spike looked up at Angel. "Well, I'm sure you'd like to take your shot at me now".  
  
"No, Spike, now is not the time. But, what's that word you like to use to describe me all the time.wanker? I don't think I have to tell you what a wanker you were when you left her."  
  
"Point taken, Peaches. Now can I see her?"  
  
"Yes. We'll just be down the hall if you need us. And Spike?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"It's important that you talk to her. I don't know if Anya told you that, but she needs to hear your voice."  
  
**  
  
Spike walked cautiously into Buffy's room. Anya had told him what happened to Buffy, and had tried to prepare him, but nothing could have really prepared him for the sight of her. He had never seen anything that looked as frail as she did. Her tiny form barely made an indention in the mattress of the hospital bed she was laying in. He had just expected her to look like she was sleeping, and to be bandaged up a bit. But her skin was not radiant like it usually was when she slept. There were IV tubes in one of her hands, which connected her to some sort of little pumping machine that he didn't really understand (he figured it was her medicine, though). As he got closer to her he could see the rather large bruise on her face, and the bandage that covered her left temple.  
  
It was then that Spike remembered his stop at the rest area on the night he left. He realized that it was Buffy's scream that he had heard, and when he had felt that searing pain in his head, it was her pain he was sharing as the thing that hurt her had slashed into her flesh. And when the overwhelming emptiness had filled him, he was feeling the connection they shared being broken.  
  
Spike resisted verbalizing the steady string of curses that came to his mind. Since they were all directed at himself it was just as well that they stayed in his head. He wondered if somewhere, deep inside, she could feel that he was there. He hoped that she could, because as he felt tears sliding down his face Spike didn't know if he would be able to talk to her just yet.  
  
**  
  
Inside Buffy's mind, her dreams were slipping away. She had left the room where she'd beckoned Spike to come and help her. She was beginning to see things in flashes, as if images were passing before her like some life-size slide show. She saw herself lying in a bed, with her friends sitting by her, one by one, and crying. Then she saw each of the dreams she'd had in previous days, hanging before her like paintings in a museum. Just as she would focus her eyes on them and start to feel their warmth, they would fall off the wall and shatter into a million pieces at her feet.  
  
Then, Buffy had a memory that she's not faced in quite some time. She was standing on the tower, explaining to Dawn why she had to jump. But something was very different about it this time. This time it felt final, like there would be no second chances at being brought back, and she didn't have the feeling that she was doing it to save the world. In fact, she didn't want to jump at all. Buffy felt an unseen force pushing her off the side of the tower. She had fallen, and was holding on as best she could to the side of the scaffolding. But her hands were starting to slip, and she couldn't maintain her grasp on the world she so desperately wanted to stay in. At the last possible second, she felt a strong hand from above her reach out and grab her own, just as the tears started to stream down her face. As she looked up to see who had saved her from falling, she met the same blue eyes that she had seen in her wedding dream. She knew he had come for her. He had saved her, just like he had wanted to the night she fell for real.  
  
**  
  
Spike couldn't find the words just yet, but he sat gently on the edge of her bed. He could no longer stand not being close to her, so he reached down and took her hand in his own and held it there, as if he were holding on to keep her from falling or something. While he held her hand, he noticed that a single tear had escaped her eye, and was rolling down her pale cheek. An unnecessary breath caught in Spike's throat. Just then, it didn't seem so important to Spike that he say all the right things to her, he just felt the need to tell her what he was feeling. So Spike started talking to her, in the calmest, most gentle voice he could manage.  
  
"Luv, I'm here for you. I came to save you. I failed at saving you once and I'll be damned if I fail at it again. Please don't leave me. I'm so sorry that I was such a bloody wanker and ran off that night. I'd always been asking you to trust me and when I should have trusted you I couldn't try. But I promise you that if you will just come back I will make it up to you in every way I know how."  
  
He could have sworn that he felt her skin warm up a little. Was she listening to him? Was it working? He continued.  
  
"But pet, I know that we've got a lot to work out, so I will understand if you don't want to come back just for me. But the Lil' Bit misses you and she needs you to come back too. And Xander, and Anya, and Willow and Tara, they all need you too. Angel's even got his knickers in a twist over you doing the sleeping beauty bit. So please, please come back to us. We all need you more than you can imagine."  
  
That's when it happened. She squeezed his hand. Not just a light little squeeze that could be mistaken for a reaction, but a squeeze that felt like she was holding on to a lifeline. Spike wasn't quite sure what to do, and remembering that the waiting room wasn't that far away, he just called out to the others from his spot on Buffy's bed.  
  
The three came running into her room, led by Dawn. Spike didn't give them a chance to ask him what was going on. He held up her hand, so they could see that her fingers were curled over his knuckles so tightly that he couldn't even think of breaking the grasp.  
  
"She's holding your hand!" Dawn exclaimed. "She hasn't done that for any of us, not a single time since she's been here. Angel, run and get a nurse, or a doctor or something! NOW!"  
  
Angel reappered in the room with Buffy's doctor, who told them he'd have to examine her. Spike looked at the doctor as if he was crazy when the Doc suggested that he let go of Buffy's hand so he could look her over. The doctor relented, and let Spike keep his position on her bed and holding her hand. He looked truly amazed when he told them that Buffy's condition seemed to be improving. He would have to check her again in the morning, of course, and keep her under close watch, but it certainly looked as though she was out of the woods.  
  
Over the next several days, Buffy continued to improve. Her skin regained its color, and it appeared that her slayer healing powers had kicked in full force, because the nasty bruise on her cheek faded and the gash above her eye was reduced to a thin white scar that barely nicked her eyebrow. She had not yet fully woken up, but every now and then her eyes would flutter behind her eyelids, and whenever anyone of the Scoobies held her hand to talk to her she grasped it back in response.  
  
Buffy had improved so much, in fact, that Spike had finally convinced Dawn to go home and get a proper meal and a good night's sleep. Everyone else had left the hospital for the day, and only Spike was in the room with Buffy. He was sitting in the chair next to her bed, holding her hand, and he had fallen asleep with his head on the edge of the bed. Buffy cautiously opened her eyes, like she did in the mornings when she wasn't quite ready to wake up but could sense sunlight streaming through the windows. She blinked a couple of times, and looked around the sterile room.  
  
Her gaze drifted down to the cool hand that gently held her own, and then she saw the blonde head that was resting just beside it. She slipped her hand out of his, and started to ruffle his hair, to wake him up. It wasn't working. Her throat felt so dry, but she was able to croak out a whisper.  
  
"Spike. Spiiike. Wake up. I'm awake, you should be too." His eyes flew open, and he sat up like he had been shocked.  
  
"Buffy! You're awake!"  
  
"So I am. Spike, I need to tell you."  
  
He cut her off by reaching up and kissing her lips gently.  
  
"Shh pet. We have the rest of eternity to talk. And you don't have anything to explain to me. I should spend the rest of my unlife explaining to you."  
  
"You saved me." She whispered.  
  
"Didn't I promise you once that I would always save you? That I would never let you fall again?"  
  
" Yes, you did. So, we're ok, then?" she questioned.  
  
"We're more than ok Buffy. We're finally together again. And this time, I'm never letting you go."  
  
  
  
TBC 


	7. The blame game

Disclaimer: same as before  
  
Chapter 7: The blame game  
  
Spike and Buffy sat for a long, tender moment, simply gazing into one another's eyes dreamily. As much as he hated to interrupt the peacefulness he felt, Spike broke the silence surrounding them.  
  
"Luv, it's not that I don't enjoy having you all to myself, but don't you think we should call everyone and let them know you're awake?"  
  
"Do we have to? They'll all just rush down here and hover over me. I was kind of enjoying just being here with you…"  
  
"I know, Pet, but your friends are angry enough at me as it is. If I don't call them and at least tell them you're awake, that will just be one more reason for them to mix my vodka with holy water instead of tonic."  
  
Buffy frowned at his statement. A small crease appeared on her forehead as she knit her brow together. "What are you talking about Spike?"  
  
He drew in a deep, unnecessary breath and exhaled slowly. He really didn't want for this to be their first discussion after she woke up. "It's nothing for you to concern yourself with, Luv. They are just all a bit upset with me for leaving, is all. Kind of realizing that you being in here is all my fault, and I can't say I disagree. But you need your rest, so we can talk about this later."  
  
The frown on Buffy's face did not fade, and her forehead only became more deeply furrowed. "But Spike…" As she opened her mouth to speak, Spike placed his index finger gently to her lips to silence her, and continued speaking.  
  
"No 'but Spike's' from you right now. I'm going to call the Lil Bit and tell her you're awake, and then you are going to get some more rest while she's on her way here."  
  
Buffy knew that arguing with him at this point was futile, so she consented to let him call home. But not before she insisted that he let her talk to Dawn before he hung up.  
  
Spike dialed the number, and was thankful when Dawn answered. She was still pretty angry with him, but she was still a little easier to deal with than the others were. Buffy couldn't really hear what Spike was saying to her sister, but she could tell that their conversation was strained. Finally, Buffy could make out some of Spike's words, and she heard him say "…right then, well just get here when you can, and don't worry Dawn, I won't be here when you get here."  
  
Buffy reached out and hit Spike on the arm, and motioned for him to give her the phone. Dawn was still rattling away on the other end, but Buffy took the phone anyway.  
  
"Dawnie?" Buffy held the phone away from her ear as Dawn excitedly shrieked out her relief at hearing her sister's voice.  
  
"Dawn, calm down," Buffy continued, as Spike listened to her side of the conversation. "I know, Dawn, I'm glad to be awake, too. But listen to me. Don't come up here right away. Yes, I want to see you, but I'm actually feeling a little tired, and I just feel like I need to rest. You can get Willow or Xander to bring you up here later…or Angel, if you really want him to bring you. Ok Dawn, that sounds good, you can have Angel bring you after sunset." Buffy looked over at Spike before continuing. "And Dawn, Spike WILL be here when you get here. I love you too, Dawnie, see you soon."  
  
Buffy looked over at Spike, and studied his concerned expression. "Spike, you can't avoid her forever. We all have a lot to work through, and I think it's best if we try to do it together. Now will you come over here and sit with me until I fall asleep?"  
  
Spike could hardly argue with the woman he loved so deeply. He walked over to her bed, placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, and held her hand while she drifted off into a peaceful, restful sleep.  
  
***  
  
Spike couldn't tear his eyes away from Buffy, even though she was sleeping. Even asleep, she was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. He wasn't really sure how long she had been asleep, but he had been watching her the whole time; watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she took slow measured breaths, watching her eyes flutter behind her lids (he wondered if she was dreaming), watching how every now and then her fingers would twitch and then stop when he made his hand available for her to hold. Just as the sky began casting brilliant orange and red shadows of sunset through the blinds of her room, Buffy awoke. She looked a little fretful until she turned her head and let her gaze rest on the bright blue eyes that were fixed upon her. A smile quickly spread across her face.  
  
"You're still here. I was afraid it was all a dream."  
  
Spike shook his head, and kissed her hand. "No, Pet, I'm never, ever leaving your side ever again."  
  
"I know. Spike, I don't think this was your fault."  
  
"But it is, Buffy. If I hadn't left on Thanksgiving you wouldn't have been out alone, and that demon wouldn't have attacked you."  
  
"We don't know that, Spike. Corcoran was looking for both of us. So if you had been here, and we were out together, then… God forbid- we could both be dead right now. As it happened, we saved each other."  
  
"Buffy- I don't…"  
  
Spike was interrupted by a knock on the door. He and Buffy cast a sideways glance at the doorway, and saw a little balloon person walk in. Both slayer and vampire looked from the door to each other in amazement. The little balloon person was followed directly by Dawn, Willow, Xander and Anya. Dawn ran past the little balloon and rushed toward Buffy's bed. Spike moved away from the bed just before Dawn pounced on the bed to envelope her sister in a crushing hug.  
  
"Oh, Buffy, you're awake. I'm so happy. You have no idea how worried we all were. I was so afraid. But you're going to be ok, right? Can you come home soon? What did the doctor say?"  
  
"Whoa Dawn. Slow down." Buffy hugged her sister back, then pulled away to look at her face. "The doctor is coming by on his rounds this evening. He said he would tell me more then about when I can go home. I feel fine, though just a little tired."  
  
Buffy giggled and motioned toward the little balloon, now standing near Spike. "Um, Dawnie, what's with your new friend?"  
  
Dawn laughed. "Isn't he cute? We saw them in the gift shop downstairs. I just had to get you one. They have them for every possible occasion. Little balloon people that are pink and say "it's a girl" or blue ones that say "it's a boy" and all different colors that say "get well soon"… do you like him?"  
  
"Yes, Dawn, he's quite cute. Thank you for bringing me a surprise."  
  
  
  
Spike was observing the activity from the corner of Buffy's room, trying to avoid the icy stares from the Scoobies.  
  
Dawn walked toward the door, and opened it again. "That's not your only surprise." She poked her head out the door and said "Come on in guys."  
  
This time Dawn was followed by Tara, carrying a baby bag on her shoulder, and Angel, carrying Conner in his arms, all bundled up in a warm blanket and wearing a little infant-sized boggin.  
  
Angel looked toward Buffy and said with a crooked smile "I hope you don't mind, he insisted we bring him to visit."  
  
Buffy grinned, knowing that the infant couldn't really have insisted on anything. Then, she caught the look on Spike's face out of the corner of her eye. Angel walked over to the chair beside Buffy's bed and began to unwrap Connor from his blanket.  
  
"Buffy, do you want to hold him?"  
  
"No." Buffy answered a little too quickly, but tried to cover the hurt in her voice. "I-I mean, not just yet. I'm still feeling a little woozie. Maybe later."  
  
Just then, Spike stepped out of the corner, his eyes wide and mouth open, pointing at the baby. "What in the bleeding hell is that?!"  
  
Everyone stifled a laugh as they realized that Spike had not yet met Connor.  
  
***  
  
Buffy spoke before Angel could. "THAT is the reason Angel was coming to Sunnydale on Thanksgiving. His name is Connor."  
  
Spike still had a look of shock on his face, and the fact that Connor was Angel's son had apparently not sunk in yet with him. "Well, where did he come from? Did Angel steal him and come running to Sunnydale for protection or something?"  
  
"No, you moron" Angel threw in. "He's my SON. Mine and Darla's… and before you ask about that, just know that it's another story for another day."  
  
The look of complete and total shock faded a little from Spike's face, and he glanced back and forth between Angel and Buffy. Spike felt a knot developing in his stomach as he had a great epiphany: that little speech of Buffy's that he found actually * was * meant for him. She was going to tell him that she loved him, and he jumped to the wrong conclusion and left. He left just like everyone else had, and brought Buffy's worst nightmare to life.  
  
"Oh, bloody hell…" Spike gasped. "Buffy I am so sorry. You tried to tell me, and I just wouldn't listen…" Spike's words trailed off as treacherous tears started to fall from his eyes.  
  
Willow, Xander and Anya noticed when Dawn started clenching her fists, but didn't move to intervene. They all braced themselves for the storm that was brewing. Dawn stepped in front of Spike and spoke in an even harsher tone than when she saw him his first night back.  
  
"Yeah, Spike, you wouldn't listen, would you? You just barged into our house, and ruined Buffy's perfect Thanksgiving, and wouldn't even give her the chance to explain anything to you. I always thought that you would be different, that you would stick around when the going got tough, but what did you do? You just came in and said your peace and left. And look where that got us. Buffy almost got killed – I almost lost my sister again - and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!"  
  
"Dawn, I think that Spike knows what he did wrong, it's not going to help any to keep reminding him why Buffy's here," Angel interjected.  
  
Spike looked at Angel in disbelief. "Excuse me? You certainly can't blame all this on me. If you hadn't insisted on coming to Sunnydale in the first place none of this would have happened!"  
  
"Well, Buffy really would be dead if Angel hadn't found her in the cemetery and brought her to the hospital!" Dawn was shouting at this point, not even caring that she was in the hospital.  
  
"Right then. Let's just give him a great big 'Poof of the year' award then!"  
  
"At least he stuck around to help. He didn't run off to God-knows-where and stay away while my sister was lying in the hospital dying!"  
  
Anya decided to put her two cents in: "At least he came back when he figured out there was something wrong. She would still be in that coma if he hadn't come back."  
  
Dawn turned on Anya. "I don't even want to hear what you have to say. You act like he didn't do anything wrong at all! When did you suddenly sprout emotions? Usually you're the one who's stating the painfully obvious, but now all of a sudden you're the one who's taking up for him and trying to be reasonable? Get over yourself Anya!"  
  
Anya started crying and ran from the room. Tara followed after her, while Xander took the opportunity to get in a few words with Dawn.  
  
"Dawnie, I love you, but that was totally uncalled for. All she was trying to do was get you to see that while Spike did handle this the wrong way at first, he came back and is trying to make things right. You didn't have to be so hard on her."  
  
"Yeah, well, you're just afraid to agree with me because you know if you do then you'd be sleeping all alone on your sofa tonight instead of all snuggly with your ex-demon finance!!"  
  
"DAWN!" Buffy, Spike, and Angel all spoke at once, in their most parental voice.  
  
Xander rolled his eyes at Dawn, and walked out of the room to go check on Anya. Willow still stood silently by the window, taking in all of the action in Buffy's room.  
  
Angel, still holding Connor, went to Dawn and tried to comfort her. "Dawn, I know that you are still very upset at the thought that you could have lost Buffy again. But she's going to be fine, and Spike understands what he did. Taking it out on everyone else is not going to make you feel any better in the long run."  
  
Buffy felt anger rising in her gut, and felt her cheeks flush bright red. Spike saw it too, but decided to stay out of her way. She sat forward in her bed, and said "What did you just say Angel?"  
  
"I was just trying to get Dawn to see that constantly reminding Spike of how wrong it was to leave is not going to change what happened."  
  
"That's what I thought you said. So I guess you're just conveniently overlooking the fact that any of this is in any way your fault, then?"  
  
Angel turned to face her with a look of total confusion on his face, as Buffy continued.  
  
"You just call me up one day, and you're all 'I have a child now, and I need to come to Sunnydale to break the news to everyone and figure out what big bad evil might be coming for him'. Did you ever even stop to think about what that news would do to me? Or that I might have had a new life that I was happy with, and didn't want you and your baby to remind me of what I'll never have?!"  
  
"Well, Buffy, you could have said no; told me not to come."  
  
"No, actually I couldn't have. You never gave me the chance. You never once asked me how I felt about all of this. You just made your plans and carried them out. If you hadn't come here then I probably wouldn't be lying here in this bed, and I would have told Spike that I love him on thanksgiving instead of worrying about how to tell him about your child!"  
  
Willow stepped away from the window; thinking that she should do something to stop them. "Uh- hey guys? Maybe it would be helpful if we all just took a step back and tried to be a little more reasonable. You know, be a little more with the understanding and a-a little less with the blame?"  
  
Dawn and Angel snapped their heads around to look at Willow. "I hardly think you should be the one calling the shots, here Willow," Angel seethed.  
  
"Yeah," Dawn threw in "You trying to be the voice of reason? HA! You've been flakier than a piecrust lately!"  
  
Buffy could not believe what she was seeing and hearing. "Everybody STOP IT!!!"  
  
Everyone still in the room stopped and looked at Buffy. She lowered her voice, but it was still dripping in a very slayer-like, authoritative tone.  
  
"Dawn, you have really crossed the line tonight, and you should probably shut up before you say anything else you'll regret in the morning. You just better hope and pray that you still have a friend left after some of the things you've said tonight.  
  
"Willow, thank you for trying to get us to stop and think about what we were doing. I just think it's going to take some time before we are all totally ok with everything that's happened. Will you please tell Tara, Xander, and Anya that I'll see them tomorrow?  
  
"Angel, take Conner and Dawn and go home. I'll call you in the morning, and let you know what my doctor says."  
  
Buffy looked over toward Spike who was sitting in a chair with his head in his hands. "You." He looked up. "Stay."  
  
Dawn could not believe that her sister had just kicked her out of her room. She was opening her mouth to protest, but felt Angel's firm hand on her shoulder. "Come on, Dawn, I think we should just go and give Buffy some time." He looked back at Buffy. "We'll wait to hear from you in the morning."  
  
The room was silent, except for the sound of Buffy's breathing. Spike looked up at Buffy just as she started to cry, and she saw the tracks of tears on his face as well. She motioned for him to come and sit with her on the bed. He went to her, and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting embrace.  
  
The two sat there, holding each other in silence for a long moment. Finally, Buffy pulled back just enough to look at Spike. She remembered that in her earlier rant she'd let it slip out that she loved him. But that didn't count, not in her mind. She needed to tell him. She traced his cheek with her hand, and paused to caress the side of his face.  
  
"Spike, I love you." She watched as fresh tears sprang to his eyes. "This is so not the way I had this planned. I thought that everything had to be perfect, but now I know that all I needed for this moment to be perfect was you. I love you, and I need you to know that I don't think any of this is your fault."  
  
Spike looked at her with more tenderness and understanding than she thought she'd ever seen in his eyes. "Buffy, I love you too. But I guess you already knew that" he smirked. "But I can't not take some of the blame for what happened."  
  
Buffy moved over in her hospital bed, making enough room for Spike to lay there beside her and hold her close. They spent the rest of the night talking about everything that had happened. Buffy confided in him her hurt and fears about Conner; she told him how just being around the baby reminded her that she and Spike would never have any babies, and how she didn't think it was fair that of all vamps, Angel and Darla got to have a baby together. She told Spike about her dreams, and he told her about the one where she came to him and told him she needed him to save her.  
  
They talked until they were too tired to think straight, making their own peace with the events they'd just experienced. After all, they knew that as long as they were ok with each other, then the others would just have to come around. Buffy finally fell asleep, cradled against Spike's chest. The peroxide-blonde vampire, however, did not sleep. He just watched his slayer in her deep slumber, and counted his blessings on a belated Thanksgiving morning.  
  
TBC…  
  
A/N: Sorry this took so long to update, I had a little case of writer's block for a bit. Also, I wanted to say thanks to Christy, for helping me find the "voice of reason" in this chapter. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long to finish… 


	8. Homecoming

Disclaimer: see previous chapters  
  
Chapter 8: Homecoming  
  
Dawn lay awake in her bed and watched out her window as the early morning sky gradually lightened from a dark midnight blue to the warm oranges and pinks of a fall sunrise. She hadn't really slept at all during the night; mostly she'd just lain in her bed and recalled all the horrible things she'd said at the hospital earlier in the evening. Buffy was right. She'd really crossed the line.  
  
Dawn crept down the stairs to the basement, where Angel had been sleeping on their old sofa bed. She was trying to sneak in, making as little noise as possible. She was startled when Angel spoke to her from the near- darkness of the room.  
  
"Come on in, Dawn… we're awake"  
  
Dawn let out a deep breath that she'd been holding in (in her efforts to be stealthy) and scurried the rest of the way down the stairs. There was a small lamp shining from the little table next to the sofa, and Angel was pacing the room with Connor in his arms.  
  
"I didn't wake you…did I?"  
  
"No, Dawn, you didn't. Conner was up for a feeding."  
  
"Um, Angel, can I talk to you?"  
  
"Well, Dawn, that depends. Did you come down here to finally take your shot at me, or did you need something?"  
  
Dawn sat down on the sofa and started crying again. "Buffy was right- I've alienated everyone who cared about me… even you think I'm horrible for all the things I said last night."  
  
"I'm sorry Dawn. That was a cheap shot. Tell me what you needed to talk about."  
  
Dawn began tentatively at first, but then let her thoughts flow out as if floodgates had been opened. " I didn't really sleep at all last night. I just kept laying there in my bed, thinking about all the horrible things I said to everyone. I think I was just scared, you know? I mean, when Spike left and Buffy got hurt I just couldn't even begin to really think what would happen if we lost her. Then he came back and I knew we weren't going to loose her, and it was like everything just came crashing down at once- all the feelings I'd been keeping inside came all at once. I just lost control last night at the hospital… when you and Spike started talking about the baby it was just too much. And now- I'm * really * regretting everything I said."  
  
"Well, Dawn, I can understand what you mean, the last few weeks have been really stressful on everyone. But learning to control your emotional outbursts and consider how other people are feeling is all a part of growing up. Believe me- considering Spike's feelings in this whole situation has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."  
  
The atmosphere in the room was getting way too serious, and Dawn tried to think of a way to lighten the mood. A small smile crept onto her face as she said "Wow- Spike was right- you are a big old brooding poof."  
  
Angel's eyes snapped up to look at Dawn, a sharp reprimand already on the tip of his tongue. Then he saw her smirking, and heard her barely start to giggle. He smiled, then they both began to laugh, not even considering that they might wake Conner with their laughter.  
  
"Sorry Angel, but I just had to try and lighten the mood- we were getting way too serious, and we should be happy. Buffy's probably coming home today!"  
  
"So, then, do you feel better?"  
  
"A little, but I still need to make amends with everyone. And I think I have the perfect plan." Angel listened intently as Dawn filled him in on her plan to make things right.  
  
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +  
  
Buffy's eyes fluttered open and squinted against the early morning sunlight streaming through her hospital blinds. She woke with the feeling of strong arms holding her tight, and she felt safer than she had in weeks. As Buffy turned her head to the side, she found herself gazing into the face of the man she truly loved.  
  
Spike shifted his arms around Buffy to allow her to turn to face him, but refused to let her go. He smiled at her as she yawned and rubbed her sleepy eyes. "You know, pet, I think I could hold you like this forever."  
  
"You wouldn't hear any arguments from me." Buffy smiled back at him and gently traced the outline of his defined cheekbones. She realized that she'd never seen him look so tired before. He looked as if he'd been carrying the weight of the world all by himself. Worry began to crease her forehead as she contemplated what could be bothering him.  
  
"Spike, don't take this the wrong way, sweetie, but you look like crap." His eyes fell, loosing contact with hers as he started to stare uncomfortably at his hands. "Did you sleep at all last night?"  
  
"Um, no, not really."  
  
"When's the last time you ate something, other than what you steal from my dinner tray?"  
  
"Can't really say I remember."  
  
"I'm going to call Willow and have her bring you something to eat. She can stop by the house raid your stash in our fridge, since we can't exactly sneak down to the blood bank and steal some dinner for you." She held her hand up to silence him when she saw that he was going to protest, and then continued. "Don't argue with me Spike, I do not want to have to worry about you withering away. I plan on having you by my side for a long, long time."  
  
Spike looked back up at her, and a small smile formed on his lips. He leaned in and kissed her lightly. "Buffy, you don't have to worry about me going anywhere. You've got me forever." He winked at her. She smiled and snuggled into his embrace as she picked up the phone to call Willow.  
  
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +  
  
Angel hung up the phone at the Summers home, and called up the stairs to Dawn. She came running down the stairs, and asked who was on the phone.  
  
"It was Buffy. She said that her doctor just saw her and is releasing her from the hospital. Spike is going to bring her home later this afternoon. Looks like your plan just might work after all, Dawn."  
  
"Great! Well then I have some more phone calls to make. I've already called Xander and Willow, and I have to make a few last minute calls for my arrangements. I'll call Giles at his hotel and see if he can take me to pick everything up."  
  
"O.k. Dawn. Good luck. I'm going to take a nap, just let me know when you're leaving."  
  
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +  
  
Buffy glanced over at Spike while she chatted with Willow. He was quietly sipping his "lunch" through a straw in the thermos Willow brought from Buffy's house. She smiled at him and continued chatting with Willow.  
  
"Will, thank you so much for coming. I hated to ask you to go by the house after everything Dawn said last night."  
  
"It's ok, Buffy. Besides, Dawn wasn't even there. Angel and Conner were the only ones there… he said that Dawn had gone out with Giles to run some errands."  
  
"You know, I'm really glad that the doctor said I could go home today. Maybe I'll get a chance to have some time to visit with Giles. I know that he was too upset to come to the hospital much while I was…well, anyway, I'll just be glad to have some time with him."  
  
"Oh, Buffy I'm sure that he'll be glad to visit with you too."  
  
Both girls giggled when their dialogue was interrupted by a slurping sound from across the room. Buffy could have sworn that Spike would have blushed if he'd been capable of it. "Ah…sorry ladies. I guess I was hungrier than I thought. Thanks for bringing my lunch, Red."  
  
"No problem, Spike. Well, guys, I think I'm going to head on out. I'll see you later at home, Buffy. We're all so glad that you're getting out of the hospital today!"  
  
Willow hugged her best friend and made her way to the door. Buffy motioned for Spike to come back and sit with her. As he crossed the room, he noticed that she seemed a little bit anxious.  
  
"Luv, you're awfully fidgety, is something wrong?"  
  
"No, Spike, I'm just ready to get out of here. Will you start packing up my things so that I can leave as soon as the doctor comes by with my release forms?"  
  
"Sure thing, pet. You sure nothing else is on your mind?" Spike asked as he went gathered Buffy's things and put them in her small duffel bag.  
  
Buffy knew that she wouldn't be able to convince him that nothing was bothering her, so she decided to just go ahead and spill her thoughts. "I'm just worried about what I'm going to do with Dawn. I mean, she said some pretty terrible things last night to everyone, and I just don't know how I'm going to get her to see what she did was wrong. Plus, you know that the whole Scooby gang is going to want to come over tonight after I'm home, and I just don't want there to be unnecessary tension because my little sister hasn't learned to keep her mouth shut."  
  
"Buffy, I think you give Dawn far too little credit. I'm sure that she already knows that she shouldn't have said that things she did to everyone last night. And if I know my Nibblet, she's probably already working on a way to make it up to everyone."  
  
Just then, there was a soft knock on the door and the doctor entered the room. "Well, Buffy, everything appears to be in order for your release. All I need is your signature on these forms, and you'll be free to go."  
  
Buffy signed the forms and got up from her bed to leave. The doctor eyed her warily, and said, "A nurse will be here in a moment with a wheelchair to take you downstairs."  
  
Buffy looked at the doctor as if he'd grown a second head, and Spike had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing at her response. "WHAT? I am * so* not riding to the car in a wheelchair! I'm perfectly capable of walking!"  
  
"But, Buffy, it's hospital policy." The doctor could see that it was no use trying to talk her into it, so he conceded "But I suppose I could bend the rules for you just this once."  
  
Buffy smiled and thanked him. She then looked at Spike and took his hand in hers. "Ready to take me home, Spike?"  
  
"More than you know, luv… more than you know"  
  
The two blondes left the hospital and walked out to Spike's car. Buffy giggled, and Spike smiled as if her laugh was music to his ears. "What's so funny, Buffy?"  
  
"I was just thinking, we should be thankful for covered parking decks, other wise the sunshine would've kept us in that dreadful hospital room for the rest of the afternoon."  
  
"I didn't even think of that. Well, I've got my blanket for when we get home, so we won't be stuck in the car for hours."  
  
"Are you sure we won't have to be stuck in the car all alone for a while before we get home?" Buffy said seductively. Spike simply smirked at her as he opened her door and helped her into the Desoto.  
  
+ + + + + + + + + + + +  
  
Willow arrived at the Summers house shortly after leaving the hospital. She found Dawn, Giles and Angel in the kitchen, preparing dinner for everyone.  
  
"Wow, Dawnie, everything looks amazing. Buffy and Spike will probably be here in a couple of hours, she was just waiting for the doctor to bring her release papers when I left them at the hospital."  
  
"Ok…I hope everything will be done by then!" Dawn sounded flustered. She then looked from Willow to Angel nervously. "Um, Angel, could you watch this stuff for a minute, I need to talk to Willow, if that's ok with her…."  
  
"Sure, Giles and I can take care of things in here, Dawn, you go chat with Willow."  
  
Willow followed Dawn into the living room, and the two girls sat next to each other on the sofa.  
  
"Willow, I am so sorry for being so mean to you last night. I don't really know what came over me. But you have always been such a great friend to me, never treated me like a little kid or even like a freak during that whole "key" episode. I can't even stand to think that I've ruined that by acting so childish. Will you please forgive me?"  
  
"Oh, Dawnie, of course I'll forgive you. You're one of the most special people to me. I know that the last few weeks have been hard on all of us. You just needed to vent some of your frustrations, but you've got to realize that there's a time and place to do so."  
  
Dawn sighed, "I know, Angel already gave me the "time-and-place" lecture."  
  
Willow smiled. "Well, I hope he wasn't too hard on you." She leaned over to hug Dawn. "After everything we've been though, it would be pretty hard to make me so mad that I didn't want to be your friend anymore."  
  
"Thanks Willow, that means so much. So, you want to come help us set the table?"  
  
Just as the two girls reached the kitchen, the back door opened and Xander, Anya, and Tara came through. "Hey guys!" Dawn said. She turned to Willow, and asked "Maybe you could help Angel and Giles with the table while I go talk to them?"  
  
"Sure thing Dawnie. Take your time." Willow caught Xander's eye and gave him her best "resolve-face" look, warning him to take it easy on Dawn.  
  
The four friends settled into the living room to have much the same conversation that Dawn had just had with Willow. After a little while, they all made their way to the kitchen, all a little teary-eyed, though Xander tried to claim that his eyes were watering from the onions being chopped in the kitchen.  
  
+ + + + + + + + + + + +  
  
Outside, Buffy and Spike sat in his car, snuggled up against one another listening to one of Dawn's mix CD's she'd made for them. Spike leaned down and kissed the top of Buffy's head.  
  
"Luv, pretty soon they're all going to get suspicious as to exactly what we're doing out here in this car. You know that they know we're out here."  
  
"Let them wonder. I just want to enjoy some time with you."  
  
"Well, no arguments here, but we've got all night, and forever, for that matter. I'm sure your mates would like to have a little time with you now that you're out of that stuffy hospital."  
  
"Alright then, lets go on in."  
  
Spike gathered Buffy's things from the backseat, and they strode hand in hand up the sidewalk to the front door. Something caught Buffy's eye through the dining room window. It looked like the table was set, and there were candles burning. /Nah, it couldn't be/ she thought to herself. /I mean, why would they have gone to all this trouble?/  
  
Spike opened the front door and he and Buffy were met with big hugs from Dawn as they entered the house. "They're here, everyone!! Buffy, I'm so glad you are home!" Dawn squealed as she held her sister and Spike in a tight group-hug.  
  
"Well, I'm certainly glad to be home, Dawnie. What's going on?"  
  
"Just a little surprise that we cooked up for you. And before you say anything, I want to sit down and have a nice long chat with you and Spike later on about what I said at the hospital last night. But right now we all want you to come into the dining room and see your surprise."  
  
"Ok…."Buffy said.  
  
Spike leaned over to whisper to Buffy "See, pet, I told you she'd realize what she'd done and try her best to make it right."  
  
Fresh tears sprang to Buffy's eyes when she entered the dining room. The table had been set with her mother's good china, and on the buffet was the makings of a complete Thanksgiving dinner: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie… it was more food than Buffy could have even imagined having at the dinner she'd planned weeks before. She just stood there, slack jawed, not knowing what to say. Giles stepped forward to explain:  
  
"We all knew how important it was to you to have a great Thanksgiving dinner with your family and friends, Buffy, and Dawn wanted to make sure that it happened. So we all helped her put this surprise together for you."  
  
Tears were falling down the Slayers face now, and she was looking around the room at each of her friends- no, her family- and smiling at each of them. "You guys, this is perfect. Thank you so much."  
  
"Well, don't just stand there" Dawn started "Let's all sit down and have dinner!"  
  
As the group was enjoying their dinner, Anya said "Are we still going to do the traditional thing where we all say something we are thankful for? Because I think we should, since it's a tradition, we should do it."  
  
Everyone laughed a little at Anya's insistence on following tradition, and each of the Scoobies took their turn saying something they were thankful for that year.  
  
+ + + + + + + + + + +  
  
Later that night, Buffy remembered the journal she was going to give Spike weeks ago, on the real Thanksgiving. She sat down on the edge of her bed, and looked at Spike, who was already under the covers waiting for her.  
  
"Spike, do you still have that letter that I wrote, the one that I was going to read to you on Thanksgiving?"  
  
"You mean the one that I misunderstood, and ran away because of? The one that proves what a stupid git I am?" He looked away from her. "Yeah, I still have it."  
  
"Good." Buffy said, and reached into the top drawer of her nightstand. "Because I want you to always keep it, along with this." She handed him a little book, covered with suns and moons on a dark blue background.  
  
"What is this, Buffy?"  
  
"It's my journal. I started writing in it just after we got together, and I want you to have it. So you'll always have a reminder of how I feel about you, how much I love you, how thankful I am for you."  
  
It was Spikes turn to be teary-eyed. Buffy slipped under the covers with him, as he gently placed the journal back on her nightstand. "Thank you. I will cherish it always. Plus," he added saucily "I'll look forward to reading all the naughty thoughts you had about me."  
  
"Spike!" Buffy yelped as he grabbed her. Any other coherent thoughts melted away as he started kissing her.  
  
"I've missed this, Buffy, the feeling of kissing you and knowing you're safe in my arms."  
  
"Me too Spike. You know, we've got a lot of time to make up for…."  
  
"Right then. Well then I think it's high time we started catching up, then."  
  
He caught her in a gentle, yet passionate kiss, and the two spent the rest of the night making up for the time they were apart.  
  
  
  
The End :) 


End file.
